Being in a long-term relationship with someone who’s emotionally unavailable will lead to you feeling unloved and wondering if it’s worth it. You have to put up with your partner behaving badly, using flirting to keep you happy instead of genuine affection and you’ll never get to know the real them. It’s a superficial bond and it’s going to end badly if you ignore what’s going on.
1) They mistake flirting for love
Flirting now and again can be fun and keep a sexy spark going between the two of you but this shouldn’t be happening often enough that it replaces genuine love and affection. There’s a big difference between your partner telling you how sexy you look and how much they love being with you. Someone who’s emotionally unavailable will use flirting as their main way of communicating how they feel and it won’t have any real meaning because they’re just saying whatever sounds good.
2) They won’t compromise
Compromise can have an affect on emotions because you’re giving up something you want and working hard to find common ground. Your partner won’t bother compromising with you on important things and will always demand you do what they want because this keeps them feeling in control and stops them from being overwhelmed by their emotions. Dating someone who won’t compromise means you never get what you want and feel like the relationship is one sided.
3) They avoid sensitive issues
Someone who’s emotionally unavailable will avoid sensitive issues because they don’t want to deal with them. They’d rather change the subject or walk away then talk about something that will upset them. This will cause problems in your relationship because a minor issue will get worse over time and you’ll feel like you can’t talk to them about what’s bothering you or have meaningful conversations with them. You’ll adopt this behavior and start keeping things to yourself because you know it’s useless to try to talk to them about it.
4) They’d rather break up then get closer to you
Your partner will start behaving badly when you get emotionally close to them because it makes them uncomfortable. They’ll say or do things they know you won’t like because they’re hoping you’ll break up with them or they’ll threaten to break up with you if you don’t leave them alone. Ending a relationship and being single or finding someone new to date is easier for them than feeling a close bond with you because it lets them top the emotional upheaval they’re experiencing.
5) They focus on the negative
If your partner always focuses on negative things then they might be emotionally unavailable. This is because negative things bring out negative emotions like anger or frustration which are easier to experience then more delicate emotions like happiness, love or sadness. Feeling angry makes them feel powerful and you’ll notice that your partner gets angry often, even when there’s no reason for them to. It’s their way of pushing away emotions they don’t want to feel and trying to take control of themselves.
6) Behaving badly is a common occurrence
Behaving badly is a common occurrence for people who struggle with their emotions. They’ll be dismissive of other people’s feelings, act rude to everyone and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. When you go out with them you brace yourself because you know they’ll say or do something they shouldn’t and you’ll wonder why they act this way. They do this to show you that they don’t care what you think and that they’re too important to worry about little things like emotions or social niceties.
7) They deliberately try to upset you
If your partner deliberately tries to upset you then it could be because they don’t deal well with emotions and are trying to make you act the same way that they do. They think that their way of acting is better and they don’t want to deal with your emotions so they’ll upset you and when you react they tell you that you’re overreacting. They’re regulating how you react and feel about things to try and control you until you learn how to hide your emotions so they’ll no longer be part of the relationship.
8) They pull away when you get too emotional
When you get too emotional your partner will pull away from you physically and mentally as a silent way of telling you that they’re not comfortable with how you’re acting. They’ll go to another room or avoid you by spending more time with their friends and they’ll move away from you when you try to be too affectionate with them. They do this because they don’t want to deal with you and are waiting for the emotionally charged moment to pass before they get near you again.
9) They’re always fine
People who are emotionally unavailable will have ways of deflecting anything to do with emotions and when you ask them if they’re okay they’ll always tell you that they’re okay. It’s a short, easy reply and most people will take it at face value instead of pushing the issue. No one is okay all of the time and if your partner constantly tells you that they are then they’re hiding their emotions from you. If you try to get them to open up to you then they’ll say that they’ve told you how they feel and make you seem crazy for not believing them.
10) They dismiss your feelings
Over time you’ll think that your feelings aren’t that important and that your partner doesn’t love you enough to want to know what’s going on with you. When you express yourself they’ll act like they’re not listening or tell you that it’s not a big deal and you’ll start to keep that part of you closed off from them. You’ll find other outlets for your emotions, like confiding in a close friend instead, and you won’t trust your partner enough to tell them anything you care about.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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