When you’re going to break up with someone you need to be a gentleman and show thoughtfulness and empathy otherwise it’s going to be a painful experience for both of you. The worse the experience is the harder it’s going to be for both of you to move on so you need to learn how to do it in a calm and healthy way. Once you know some helpful tips on having a smooth break up you can be better prepared for other relationships because you’ll know how to effectively handle them from start to finish.
1) Break up face to face
When you break up with someone you’re going to be tempted to do it over email or text because it’s less personal which makes it easier for you but this is disrespectful, thoughtless and hurtful. You’re telling the other person that you don’t care about their feelings and it’s all about how you feel. You need to be a gentleman and break up with them face to face so they feel respected and can see that it’s difficult for you to do this. This makes them feel like you’re going through it together and that can be helpful for them instead of making them angry. Talking in person can be cathartic for both of you and this will make it easier to deal with the break up.
2) Show empathy
A break up is a painful experience for both people involved but when you’re the one ending things you’re going to try and hide how you feel so you can get through it without being too vulnerable. Being blunt and emotionally detached is going to help you but they’re going to think you never loved them and that the relationship meant nothing to you. This isn’t what you want them to think so you need to show empathy while you break up with them. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, say that you care for them and that you think this is best for both of you.
3) Don’t do it in public
A lot of people think that it’s a good idea to break up in a public place because it’s a neutral area and the other person is less likely to make a scene but this can make the experience an unsatisfying one. They know you’re putting them in a position where they can’t fully express themselves because you don’t want to deal with any drama and this is going to make them be even more upset with you. You should break up with them at home because this gives them the privacy they need to get upset, yell and deal with the sudden burst of emotions that they’re going through.
4) Let them have their say
A break up involves both of you so once they know what’s going on you need to give them a chance to have their say because they’re going to be experiencing a lot of emotions, from surprise and sadness to anger. They’re going to get jealous if they feel like you’re the only one who’s allowed to speak about how you feel and if you don’t let them talk it’s just going to get worse for them. Stay calm and quiet while they talk so they have freedom to express themselves and feel like you’re truly hearing what they have to say.
5) Be honest
A gentleman is honest, especially with someone he cares for, so when you’re about to break up with your partner you need to be truthful. Don’t try to protect them by lying about why you want to end things because they know you well enough to know that you’re lying to them and don’t break up without giving them an explanation because that’s going to make them spend ages wondering what went wrong in the relationship. Be honest about why you don’t want to date them anymore and be gentle and tactful if they’re the reason for the break up. Letting them know why you’re ending the relationship can help them come to terms with it and that’s a kind and helpful thing to do.
6) Don’t blame them
It’s hard to accept responsibility and it can help you keep control of your emotions if you try to ignore the role you played in the break up. This is going to lead to you blaming them for what went wrong and this is cruel to do to them. Each of you has some blame in this but you shouldn’t say that it’s all of their fault. You need to tell them that you’re breaking up with them and why but make sure to keep the focus on what you could have done differently. This stops both of you from arguing about whose fault this is and helps you keep calm and stay focused on the situation which helps things moving at an appropriate pace.
7) Don’t give in to bad decisions
If your ex doesn’t feel the same way you do then they may plead with you to give the relationship one last chance and if you’ve been drinking to steady your nerves you may end up having sex with each other for one last time. Before you break up with someone you need to take some time to imagine how things will go, come up with a plan and stick to it so that you don’t do something you’ll regret.
8) Keep your new dating life personal
If the break up is because you’ve met someone new or because you miss the single life then you need to keep it to yourself. Your soon to be ex partner is going to feel hurt and jealous if you’re dumping them because you’ve been cheating on them and if you mention missing being single they’re going to wonder why you don’t want to be with them. This is a difficult situation and in order to be a gentleman you need to let them think that you’re going to be single and heartbroken just like they are so they don’t feel like they’re going through this alone while you’re moving on.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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