When you’re dating a transgender person you might not know what to say and are afraid of doing the wrong thing. Dating someone who is trans is a bit different than dating a cis person but you can still have a great relationship with them, you just need to be understanding and know which questions you shouldn’t ask on a first date.
1) Remember that a transgender person lives like that
A lot of people get the idea of a transgender woman mixed up with that of a drag queen but they are two completely different things. A trans person lives as the gender they present as and it isn’t an act of entertainment or expression like a drag queen. If this is the first transgender person you’re spending time with don’t ask them if they’re a man at home because they’re not. They live their life as a woman and want to be accepted as one.
2) Don’t pry into their life before transitioning
It’s natural to be curious about what they were like before their transition but that is a sensitive subject that you shouldn’t bring up. A first date is about getting to know each other as you are now so stay focused on the present. Don’t ask them about how dating is different for them now or what things do they do differently now and instead ask them about their current interests and hobbies.
3) Take them out in public
Some men are embarrassed to admit their attraction to women who are trans and try to keep their relationship a secret so you need to show them that you’re not like that. You can show them that you like them for who they are by going out in public with them and taking them out to dinner. You shouldn’t make a big deal about this and say you’re nervous because that gives the wrong impression. You don’t need to draw attention to being seen with them because if the first date is a success you’ll be going out in public with them a lot.
4) Avoid asking personal questions about their transition
They’ll tell you when you need to know so don’t ask if they’ve had bottom surgery or if they’re planning on getting it because that’s rude and makes them feel like you only see them as a sex object. You need to accept the information that they tell you and wait until they’re ready to talk in more detail about what stage of the transition they’re in.
5) Ignore stereotypes and focus on them as a person
There are certain stereotypes about people who are trans so you need to remember that what you think you know about them isn’t necessarily the truth. Some people have traits that reflect stereotypes but you need to understand that everyone is an individual and you need to find out who they really are. On your first date don’t ask them if they do certain things or act a certain way just because you saw it on a TV show or movie that features a trans person. Ignore stereotypes and focus on them as a person because they might be different than what you were expecting.
6) Treat them like your other dates
When you date a transgender woman it’s going to be on your mind that this is different and they’re not like the other women you’ve gone out with before. You need to make sure you treat her like you did your other dates and don’t make it obvious that this is your first time going out with a transgender person. You might feel awkward but you need to treat her like a regular date because if you do this it’ll quickly feel normal and the date will go more smoothly.
7) Don’t make the conversation all about being trans
A transgender person is more than what they are and don’t want it to dictate everything about them so don’t fixate on it. When you talk have the topics be the kind you’d ask a cis woman and don’t point out any differences that you see between her and your exes or talk constantly about your support for the trans community. You shouldn’t ask anything about being trans or how involved they are in the community unless they bring it up first because that is just one part of who they are.
8) Don’t treat them like a novelty
People who are trans are portrayed as a novelty, especially in porn and there are guys who fetishize them. If you’re dating a transgender woman you don’t want her thinking you’re only with her because of that so watch what you say and don’t treat her like a novelty. She’s a person with feelings so don’t ask her if it’s weird for her to date and don’t say that you’re excited to go on a date with someone like her or that you’ve fantasized about dating a transsexual.
9) Show your attraction for them
Showing attraction to your date is something you should always do and it doesn’t matter if they’re cis or trans. Do romantic things like holding their hand, giving them a goodnight kiss and touching their arm while you speak to make it clear you like them. These gestures should be natural so don’t ask them if it’s okay or if “girls like them” don’t like romance like other women do. That’s going to upset them and make it obvious that you don’t see them as you should.
10) Take your time with sex
Since porn tends to make transgender women seem desirable and always ready for sex, they’re used to men seeing them as sex objects. If you rush into sex with them then they’ll think that’s all you want from them and that you’re just using them. You need to take your time with sex so they know you’re feelings are more than sexual. You can show this by not asking questions related to sex, like if they’ve ever had sex with a guy before or what it’s like to have sex with a trans person.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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