Marriage expectations are something everyone experiences because they have their own ideas of what married life will be like. They think everything will be perfect and their partner will become even more amazing once they take the serious step of getting married but that’s unrealistic. If you want a happy life with your partner then you need to have marriage expectations that are attainable, like a reasonable amount of emotional support and open communications on important issues, and let go of marriage expectations that could destroy your relationship.
1) Looking to your partner for all of your emotional support
Seeing your partner as your sole source of emotional support is one of those marriage expectations that can ruin your relationship because you’re putting too much pressure on them. They’re going to feel like you only married them because you’re dependent on them and they’re not going to feel like they have an equal presence in the relationship. This will cause them to feel burned out so you need to make sure that doesn’t happen by having a few close friends you can also turn to for emotional support.
2) Expecting them to only have eyes for you
Monogamy isn’t natural for many people and when they practice it they will still notice attractive people and feel interested in them. You can’t get upset when your partner checks out someone else because they can still love you while noticing someone sexy. It’s how they act on that feeling that you should be worried about and as long as they don’t do anything more than look at someone then they’re not betraying your marriage vows.
3) Wanting open communications for everything
Open communications for everything is something you shouldn’t ask of your partner because everyone deserves privacy. There might be things they don’t want to tell you or need some time to think about and they won’t have the space to do that if you’re demanding they share everything with you. Open communications are something you should expect for important issues that affect both of you but if it’s an unimportant thing then let it go. You need to remember that you don’t tell them everything and it doesn’t mean you love them any less and it’s probably no different for them when they keep something to themselves.
4) Expecting them to always put you first
Expecting your partner to always put you first is going to drive a wedge between the two of you because you’re being demanding and diminishing the other important people in their life. Marriage expectations where you’re on a lifelong journey with someone you love and who will always be there for you can be possible as long as they’re realistic. You need to understand and accept that your partner will put your first when they can but they also need to think about other people too and they may have to choose family or friends over you now and again.
5) Wanting to do everything as a couple
Marriage expectations make you think you’ll be doing everything with your partner for the rest of your life and it will be great but it won’t be. Doing everything as a couple will become tiresome because you’ll miss being single and doing what you want. Part of open communications is being able to tell your partner that you need some time to yourself so you can do things that only interest you, like hobbies or spending time with your friends. Having time apart will give you a break from your partner and help you feel like you still have your own identity.
6) Thinking their annoying habits will change
If your marriage expectations include thinking your partner’s annoying habits will change just because you’re now married then you’re going to be disappointed. You married them knowing what they’re like and for them to suddenly change is something that won’t happen. Their habits will become more noticeable to you because you’re living together and complaining about it or trying to change it will be unlikely to make a difference. You need to accept them for who they are because finding fault with them over little things won’t make them feel loved.
7) They’ll conform to gender roles
You can’t expect your partner to adapt to gender roles if those behaviors aren’t established before marriage. Some people are naturally geared towards what’s expected of a wife or husband but some people aren’t. Your partner may not be interested in doing certain chores or acting a certain way just because that’s what society says they should do. If you force them to act a certain way then they’re not going to be happy trying to live up to your marriage expectations and won’t want the marriage to last.
8) You’ll have a similar routine to your partner
Thinking you’ll have a similar routine to your partner is one of those marriage expectations that are unlikely to happen. You’re two different people with different hobbies, jobs and sleep patterns so you may have different routines. Going to bed at the same time, having dinner together every night or working the same hours won’t happen and getting upset about it won’t help. You need to find a routine that works for both of you, even if it means you’re not in sync with each other.
9) Your sex life will stay the same
Everyone has marriage expectations for their sex life and think it will stay the same but it won’t. Over time you’ll get stuck in a rut and the spark will go out if you don’t make an effort to keep things exciting and having children will make you more tired and less interested in sex. Instead of letting this decrease the love between the two of you, you need to understand that the amount of sex you have is not reflective of how much you love each other.
10) You want the same things as your partner
Thinking your partner will always want the same things as you will lead to fighting if you don’t learn to express yourself through open communications and showing emotional support. They need to know what you want and why it’s important to you because they may feel differently. Once it’s clear what both of you want then you can start trying to find a compromise that makes both of you feel understood
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