Ten ways to Deal with Your Control Issues
Controlling behavior is toxic and if this is happening between you and your partner then it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible and in the best way for the two of you. You have to work through these issues together and be committed enough to keep trying if the first method doesn’t work. You may find it helpful to plan a fun date together or go to couples therapy so that you can have a professional guide you through things in a neutral zone. By dealing with control issues you can fix your relationship and get back on track.
1) Plan a date together
Plan a full night, from where you’ll go to dinner and what activity you’ll do to how you’ll make it fun as well as romantic. This can help you with controlling behavior because you have to listen to each other and be willing to compromise. Focus on restaurants or places that both of you enjoy and make you think of happier times so it motivates you to keep doing this. This date can be the start of learning to let go of control and working together.
2) Immediately draw attention to controlling behavior
When you date someone for awhile you begin to overlook their flaws and stop noticing things that bother you. This is one way that control issues can take over. Your partner may not realize how they’re behaving because it’s slowly getting worse over time. You have to stop ignoring their controlling behavior and be able to draw attention to it when it happens. Be calm and gentle when you do this so you don’t start a fight, just let them know that the way they’re acting is bothering you.
3) Communicate effectively
You have to be able to communicate effectively when you date someone otherwise it can cause a lot of problems that don’t get fixed. Both of you need to be able to talk through issues, be willing to listen to each other and come up with ideas on how to make things better. You can’t let them make all of the decisions and you have to be able to share your thoughts and feelings in a clear way so they can see things from your point of view.
4) Go to couples therapy
Going to couples therapy can help your relationship if you think a professional would be better to deal with it or if you’ve tried multiple methods and things aren’t getting better. This can be beneficial because the therapist is in charge of the session and can stop a fight from happening. It’s a neutral space and it may be easier for you and your partner to open up about what’s going on. Think of it as a healthy date because you’re spending quality time together and working on issues that are affecting you.
5) Don’t complain only to friends
Complaining only to your friends because you don’t want to cause relationship problems by complaining to your partner is a bad thing to do. Your friends are your support system so talk to them about what’s going on and let your frustrations out. When you feel calmer you can have a similar conversation with your partner. Do this during a quiet date night at home so there’s a relaxed atmosphere because the right mood can help you have a less stressful conversation.
6) Talk about any problems
Controlling behavior can be caused by problems that your partner is going through and it’s their way of dealing with it. They may be stressed at work or are feeling like you’re neglecting them. Ask them if everything is okay when they seem upset, let them know you love them and are willing to listen if they need to talk. This supportive behavior can naturally make them less controlling because they feel safe with you. Don’t be judgmental when they share something and suggest going on a date so they can have a short distraction from what’s bothering them.
7) Give each other space
When you date someone and the tension between the two of you is getting worse then it’s good to consider giving each other space. Don’t break up with them, just spend a few hours or days apart. During this time don’t contact each other and spend time doing things you enjoy as well as reflecting on your relationship. Think about when things started going wrong, if you want to fix things, what you can to do change things and what you need from your partner. This break can be a pressure release and you’ll have an idea of how to proceed when you get back together.
8) Admit when you’re wrong
Admitting when you’re wrong is tough, especially when it’s to your date because you want to seem perfect in front of them. Refusing to admit when you’re wrong can be a form of control issues by both of you because you’re putting all of the blame on them and they’re going to retaliate in some way. By taking responsibility for what you do you’re setting a good example and your partner is more willing to compromise.
9) Deal with jealousy
Jealousy can cause controlling behavior because it’s a way of dealing with it. If your partner is jealous of the time you spend with friends then they may insist on a regular date night, if they’re jealous of a harmless crush you have they may demand you tell them where you’re going whenever you leave the house. To stop this you have to deal with jealousy so that it doesn’t overtake rational thinking. Ask them why they’re upset, explain why they’re wrong and remind them that the relationship is important to you.
10) Talk about boundaries and needs
Talking about boundaries and needs can help lessen controlling behavior because both of you understand what’s expected. Talk about what acts you find to be controlling, how it makes you feel and how you’d rather they act. Also talk about what you need from them to make the relationship work. Get their input on their boundaries and needs so you can see what’s similar and different. For the differences you can find ways to compromise so that when they start being controlling you can quickly stop it and know how to put things on a more positive track.
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