Being manipulated by your partner is a major problem that needs to be addressed and fixed but it can be a complicated situation. Your partner may not realize they’re acting this way or they’re doing it because they know they can get away with it and you may have your doubts as to what’s going on. You don’t want to believe they would treat you this way and you ignore it or put the blame on yourself which isn’t healthy. When you’re in a toxic relationship you need to pay careful attention to how your partner treats you so you know for sure that they are mistreating you and you need to fix it in a way that keeps both of you safe.
1) Their questions are demands
You know your partner well and can tell from their tone of voice what they really mean which is why when you’re being manipulated with innocent sounding questions you know it’s really a demand. They’ll say “Do you think that’s a good idea?” when they mean “You’re wrong so admit it.” Your partner is using intimidation to make you agree with them or do what they want. You need to take their questions at face value and ignore the undertone until they realize you can’t be manipulated that way anymore.
2) They make your decisions seem bad
When you’re being manipulated you’re going to feel like you’re not good enough and you’re the one who’s always making mistakes. Your partner makes you feel this way by making it seem like all of the decisions you make are bad because they want you to rely on them instead of being independent. They’ll make you doubt your decisions by asking “Why did you do that?” or when things don’t go as planned they’ll say “I wouldn’t have done that, you should have asked me first.” You need to stand by your decisions but be willing to listen to their point of view then come to a decision that both of you are okay with.
3) They gaslight you
Gaslighting is when someone twists reality in order to make you think you’re wrong or are going crazy. Your partner is going to deny saying or doing things when you bring it up or they’ll lie to you about unimportant things. This is a big sign you’re in a toxic relationship and the only way you can fix it is by paying attention to everything that happens and speak up when they gaslight you. Be adamant about how you perceive things and ask them why they think their view is the truth so they have a chance to think about what they’re saying.
4) They always need your help
When your partner always needs your help when you’re busy or about to do something then you’re being manipulated into taking care of them. They’ll feel sick when you’re about to go out with friends or need you to drive them somewhere when you’re tired. They’re using emotional blackmail to make you stay with them. The only way you can fix this is by making sure they’re really okay then going ahead with their plans. This shows them that you have a life of your own and they learn being alone sometimes is part of a healthy relationship.
5) They use emotional blackmail
You’re going to be easily manipulated by emotional blackmail because it creates an intense response and you feel bad. This is when your partner says that you wouldn’t spend so much time with friends if you really loved them or that you’re the only thing they care about in life. When this happens you need to keep your emotions in check and offer to talk to them about it because you’re concerned that they’re too emotionally invested in you.
6) You’re the one who always apologizes
A toxic relationship is usually one-sided and all the power lies with one person. If you’re the one who’s always apologizing and telling your partner they’re right then you’re being manipulated into submission. You can fix this by only apologizing when you’re at fault and not backing down when they try to guilt you into saying you’re sorry. When they do this you need to stay firm and tell them why you place some of the blame with them.
7) They make all the decisions
Having a partner who makes all the decisions may not seem like you’re being manipulated because you tell yourself they’re just naturally a leader but they’re doing this to make you feel helpless. They’re putting themselves in control so that you feel unsure and look to them for guidance. You need to change the way you behave and start making some decisions by yourself. They won’t like it at first but you need to be insistent.
8) You always have to prove your love
When you’re in a healthy relationship you know you’re loved because of small gestures like saying “I love you”, being supportive or making dinner when your partner is tired. If you’re being manipulated then love is based on what you do for your partner and nothing else. They’re going to base all actions on how much you love them and will say “You’ll stay home tonight if you love me.” You shouldn’t have to always prove your love and when they do this you need to point out that you love them and how you express it.
9) They say one thing and mean another
Saying one thing and meaning another is how you’re being manipulated by your partner because it makes you question everything and this leads to gaslighting. They’ll say something doesn’t matter then gets upset when it happens and you’re left feeling confused. They’re trying to put you off balance so you need to start reading between the lines and get clarification as soon as you suspect this is what they’re doing.
10) They act like you’re difficult to be with
You’re being manipulated into being meek when your partner acts like you’re difficult to be with and they don’t understand why you get upset so easily. This is part of being in a toxic relationship because they’re making you doubt yourself and override your feelings. You can stop this from happening by listening to your inner voice and think about whether they have a point or not. If not then you need to tell them that you disagree and not back down.
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