It’s difficult to get back into the dating scene when you’re still legally married but separated. It’s an emotional time and it’s been a long time since you were last single so you feel like you don’t know how things work anymore. This can cause you to make mistakes, like flirting with the wrong type of person or pushing yourself too far. You want to avoid these mistakes so you can be successful and meet someone you like instead of wondering what’s wrong with you or why you can’t seem to get things right.
1) Make sure you ex wants to be divorced
You need to make sure they’re on the same page as you and that both of you know the relationship is truly over. When they try to talk to you about anything other than divorce proceedings you need to gently remind them you’re separated and that it’s time to start living your own lives.
2) Avoiding dating someone like your ex
It’s tempting to look for someone like your ex because it’s a personality type your familiar with and can make dating seem less scary. It’s a comfortable feeling and helps you be less stressed because you have an idea of what to expect. This is a bad thing to do because you’re getting divorced for a reason. Keep an open-mind about the type of person you want to be with and go out with lots of different people until you find one that you feel a connection with.
3) Be honest about your relationship status
Hiding your relationship status can cause problems if you begin dating someone seriously because eventually they’re going to find out you’re still married. It’s better to be upfront about being separated so they can trust you and ask you any questions they need to before deciding if they still want to be with you. You want to know how they feel sooner rather than later so you don’t waste time and only date someone who’s okay with what’s going on in your life.
4) Work on your self-esteem
Your self-esteem isn’t going to be high after going through a break up and separation. You feel like no one wants you and that you’re a screw up who couldn’t make your marriage work. It stops you from fully being in the moment and you can’t enjoy meeting new people because you keep thinking about all the negatives in your life. This is why you need to work on your self-esteem by practicing self-care, focusing on your positive attributes and not taking it personally when a new love interest doesn’t work out.
5) Be open-minded about different types of relationships
Dating doesn’t always mean being in a committed relationship with one person, there’s many other kinds of relationships you can be in like friends with benefits, casual hook ups or cybersex. Think about different types of relationships and imagine yourself being in them so you can have an idea of what you’re comfortable with. When you’re ready you can start exploring them and see which one works for you.
6) Don’t talk to your ex about dating
Never talk to your ex about dating again because this can affect your life in multiple ways. They may be the jealous type and will try to sabotage you efforts at meeting someone new. This can be difficult to stop from happening if you add your new love to social media and your ex is still on your friends list. It can also affect you getting divorced because they may bring it up during proceedings, which can cause a delay. You need to keep this information to yourself until you’re completely free of your ex.
7) Take breaks when they’re needed
Dating can be fun at first because you get caught up in the excitement of doing something new but that can fade as reality sets in. It hits you that you’re single again and old feelings about the break up can come back. You have to pay attention to how you’re doing and how you act on dates because this will let you know if you’re struggling with moving on. Take dating breaks when you need to instead of forcing yourself to move on so you can be healthy when meeting new people. Use your breaks to reflect on life, try a new hobby or work on your self-esteem so you can get yourself back on track.
8) Don’t make a commitment
Making a commitment when you’re about to get divorced is a bad idea because it takes a long time to get over an experience like that. By rushing into a new relationship you’re not giving yourself time to deal with what happened and your feelings about your past relationship will be projected onto your new one. You have to take things at a slow pace and when you realize your losing control of your emotions and falling in love again you have to be able to stop it from happening. This requires mental strength and you need to remember that you can always commit to someone later on.
9) Think about what you want in life
Before you start dating again you need to think about what you want in life because you’re going through a big change and old plans may no longer be realistic. Think about where you see yourself in a year and five years, where you want to be living, if you want to get married again or have children, and the type of people you want in your life. Knowing this makes it easier to date because you can choose to date someone who you think is compatible with you and having a plan helps you stay focused on what’s important to you.
10) Deal with your emotions
Your emotions are going to be all over the place during this time and you need to deal with them as they happen. It’s easier to ignore them but if you do that it’s going to get worse and you’re going to reach your breaking point. When you get angry or sad you need to let yourself experience it and find a productive way of getting through it, like exercising or talking to someone. Find what works for you and spend some time by yourself when you need a break from your friends or family trying to help you.
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