10 Tips for surviving a kinky first date

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kinky first dateYou want a first date to go well but if something happens that you’re not used to then it may can you to react the wrong way. You’re unsure of what’s expected of you and this makes you say or do things that aren’t right for the moment. If you’re seeing someone who’s kinky and you have little to no experience with that lifestyle then it can make the night awkward. This is why you need to know beforehand what you can do to make it a good time for both of you.

1) Talk about boundaries

A first date is about getting to know each other but talking about boundaries isn’t usually the kind of conversation you have. You need to do this if it’s a kinky date because both of you need to understand what is and isn’t acceptable for each of you. You need to tell them what your boundaries are before you engage in any activities and make sure they are listening and taking it seriously. If things start taking a turn you’re not comfortable with during sex you need to stop for a second, let them know you’re not enjoying this and suggest trying something else.

2) Use a safe word

A safe word must be used when engaging in kinky activities because when the other person hears it they know they have to immediately stop what they’re doing. Without a safe word it’s possible things will go too far. You need to choose a safe word that’s easy to say and remember and can’t be mistaken for part of the kinky mood. Avoid words like “Stop” and “No” and pick a word that has nothing to do with sex, like “Yellow” or “Apple’. Make sure you tell them what it is and don’t change it after the first date because it may confuse them when you hook up again.

3) Be willing to try something new

You need to be willing to try something new when you on a first date with someone who isn’t vanilla in the bedroom because this is part of who they are and they expect you to be okay with this since you’ve agreed to go out with them. Be open-minded and don’t turn down an activity until you’ve thought about it because it’s not going to be a good date if you turn down every suggestion they make and end up having mostly vanilla sex. They can help you discover new kinks and show you how much fun they can be.

4) Find out about their kinks

It’s a good idea at the start of the first date to have a talk about kinks so you have an idea of what to expect from them. There are tons of different kinks and you need to make sure that they’re not into something that you know you’re not going to enjoy. Respectfully ask how long they’ve been into kink, what their limits are and what their favourite activities are. Knowing their kinks makes you feel more prepared about what you’re about to do and this makes the rest of the date go more smoothly.

5) Don’t go overboard with your kinks

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a first date, especially when you’re pushing your personal boundaries but you need to make sure you don’t go too far. There’s going to be plenty of other opportunities for you to explore kinky sex, either with this person or someone else, so don’t try to do everything all in one night. Just do one or two things so you can take your time to really see what they’re like and get the full amount of pleasure out of what you’re doing.

6) Don’t assume roles

There’s more to kink than being either ‘submissive’ or ‘dominant’ so don’t assume there’s going to be a power dynamic and remember it can be done with neither of you taking a role. Even if the person you’re on the first date with likes to take charge because that doesn’t define how they are in the bedroom. If you go into the date with roles already assigned in your mind then it can cause problems once you start having sex. Let the night unfold naturally and if you’re unsure about power play then respectfully ask them if there’s a specific way they like to do things.

7) Pace yourself

There’s times you need to pace yourself during a kink filled first date otherwise you’re going to become anxious or uncomfortable. You need to pay attention to how you’re feeling and tell them to slow down or that you need a break if you feel things are going too fast for you. This break can be for a few minutes or you can end the date early and arrange to meet another day.

8) Take it seriously

You need to take things seriously when you’re doing kink and the first date is going to end badly if you behave otherwise. The date will end quickly or you won’t get a second one if you joke around about acting kinky, make it all about what you want, act like you know what you’re doing or don’t respect the other person’s boundaries. When you take things seriously you’re showing them you understand that kink is about trust, honesty and respect.

9) Express yourself during kinky sex

The first date has a better chance of going well when you express yourself throughout the sexual experience. The other person doesn’t know what you like so you need to be vocal about it. When they’re doing something you like you can moan, say how good it feels or ask them to keep doing it. When you don’t like what’s happening tell them you’re not enjoying it or what they can do to make it better.

10) End it with aftercare

aftercare
Aftercare is something that doesn’t usually happen on a first date but it’s a necessity after kink-based sex because it’s intense. Aftercare happens after sex and is about feeling safe as you come down from the rush. During this time you can snuggle, talk to each other or take care of any wounds. It’s a quiet time for the two of you to feel relaxed and connected.

Dating Writer at MonkeysReviews.com
She lives in Malibu (California).
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
Katy Benett

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