Is it love or just sex? 10 Tips on how to know

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love or just sex

How to know if it’s love or just sex

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if you’re in love or if it’s just sex because it’s an intense, emotional time. You enjoy being with them which makes it difficult to separate reality from fantasy. This can lead to you getting into relationships that aren’t right for you or missing out on a good one because you didn’t realize your feelings were more than superficial. Learning the difference takes time and requires you to look closely at your thoughts and feelings instead of getting swept away by them. Once you’re clear about where you stand it’s easy to figure out if you love them or it’s just sex that you want from them.

1) Knowing it needs to be good for both of you

You’re thinking about your own needs and see it as a basic act between two people to get what you’re craving. When it’s love it’s important to you that it’s good for both of you because you care about them and want to make them happy. You think about what they enjoy and make sure you do those things during sex because you want it to be a special moment that brings you closer together.

2) Taking your time to get to know them

You don’t bother wasting time getting to know them when it’s just sex because all you care about is getting laid as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter what their personality is like or what their hobbies are, it only matters that they’re somewhat attractive. You take the opposite approach if you know your feelings for them is similar to past serious relationships. You’re willing to take your time getting to know them because you want to know who they really are and make a strong connection with them. You don’t mind waiting until they’re ready for sex because you know it’s worth the wait if it means being with them.

3) Still seeking out other women

seeking other women
You’re attitude about seeking other women is a big sign whether it’s just sex or love because this has a significant impact on what happens. If it’s purely physical then you look for other women to hook up with because you know it’s not serious and it doesn’t matter to you if she gets upset. When it’s one of those relationships that are meaningful to you, you commit yourself to her and delete your online dating profiles as well as no longer flirting with other women. You want her to know you value what you have with her.

4) Avoiding their messages

Avoiding their messages is a common thing to do when it’s just sex because you’re only interested in talking to them when you want to hook up. You ignore their messages for awhile and only sent short replies back because you want to keep them around in case you want to hook up again later on. When you love them you get excited when you hear from them and quickly reply back because you miss them and want to keep the spark alive.

5) Going out on real dates

You never go out on real dates when it’s just sex because there’s no point to it. You know relationships aren’t what you’re looking for and can’t be bothered to pretend that it’s anything more than a sexual encounter you want. You meet them, have sex and that’s it. Dates are something that happen often when it’s love because you enjoy spending time with them and want to have dinner or go to places with them.

6) Being drawn to their personality

Personality is a low priority when you it’s just sex that you want because it’s about the act itself. Who they are doesn’t matter because you only care about the at itself and you’re not with them long enough to be affected too much by their personality. When it’s love their personality is important and is what draws you to them. This is true for most people when it comes to love, especially people who are demisexual, because this is what helps you form a bond with them that is important for a relationship to happen.

7) Knowing who they really are

You know very little about the person you just have sex with, you know the basics like their name and what they look like. You don’t bother finding out too many personal details and mainly focus on what their sexual interests are. Knowing who they really are is only important to you when it’s love because you want to find out all the things that make them special. You know their favourite songs and movies, their goals, if they’re taking things slow because they’re nervous or demisexual and what makes them happy. You make an effort to learn what your differences and similarities are.

8) Thinking about the future with them

The only future you have with someone when it’s just sex is only until the next hook up. You only see them once or a couple of times then you move on because you know there’s lots of other single women you can meet. You only think about the future when it’s love because you actually want to have them be a part of your life and be with them long term. You wonder what life is like in six months or a year and what it would be like to live with them or marry them.

9) Giving them the foreplay they want

It’s only a cold act when it’s just sex, there’s no romance and little time is spent on foreplay. You want to get to the main activity and it doesn’t matter to you if they’re aroused enough or if you’ve touched them in ways that they want you to. You only spend time on foreplay when you want it to be an amazing experience and you learn what they enjoy doing during foreplay.

10) Being overwhelmed by emotions

There’s very few emotions when it’s just sex because there’s no connection between the two of you. You’re only with them for one thing only so you don’t let yourself feel anything for them. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by emotions when you’re in love because endorphins are being released and you’re excited about the new direction your life is taking. If you’re on the demisexual spectrum then these emotions help you feel a bond with them that makes sex something that you know you want and you feel safe in losing control with them.

Dating Writer at
She lives in Malibu (California).
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
Katy Benett

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