Practicing non monogamy is becoming more popular because being in a monogamous relationship is seen by some people as unrealistic to maintain and there’s more awareness of alternative lifestyles, like being in a polyamorous relationship. It can be complicated going from being a monogamous couple to one that is in a polyamorous relationship so you need to know what the most common mistakes people make so that you don’t make them as well.
1) A potential partner appeals to only one of you
When you’re in a polyamorous relationship you need to find a potential partner that appeals to both of you. This takes time and you can’t rush into meeting someone without talking to them and making sure that they get along with you in all areas, not just sex related ones. This is an actual relationship and you’ll be spending quality time with them just like you do with your current partner. If the potential partner only appeals to one of you then the other one won’t make as much effort and will feel like what they want doesn’t matter. They’ll also feel like you’re paying more attention to the new partner and desire them more which will lead to a breakdown in your relationship.
2) They see their potential partner as a sex object
A polyamorous relationship isn’t all about sex and you can’t treat your new partner like a sex object. You have to treat them like you do your current partner because this is a three (or more depending on how many people are in your polyamorous relationship) way relationship and you have to make an effort at bringing them into your life. If you treat them like a sex object then you’re not making an emotional connection with them and eventually the thrill of having sex with someone new will wear off. You need to make a connection so that your relationship with them can continue to grow and you’ll be in a true polyamorous relationship.
3) Not being honest with each other
When deciding to practice non monogamy and looking for a potential partner to join you, you need to have an honest conversation with each other so that there’s no misunderstandings. You need to tell them why you want to practice non monogamy, how you think it will change you relationship and the type of person you’d like to bring into your relationship. You have to make sure your partner doesn’t feel like you’re bored of them or have fallen out of love and help them see the positive side of being in an open relationship. You have to keep an open-mind when they tell you something and be supportive because they are still your primary partner and a willingness to compromise can help both of you transition into non monogamy.
4) Being unprepared for all of the changes
There are a lot of changes when you move from a monogamous relationship to an open one and you need to be prepared for how your life will change before you make any major decisions. There will be a few unexpected surprises but if you take the time to do research then you’ll be able to avoid serious problems. You need to remember that your life with your current partner will change and that your new partner will be an important part of your lives from now on but that you still have to have quality time without them. You also have to understand that your current partner may need more time to adjust to this new lifestyle and that you have to move at a pace that is comfortable for both of you. If something happens or your feelings change then you need to deal with it right away so that it doesn’t become a problem later on. By doing this you can efficiently navigate this lifestyle and work together with your partners so that it’s a happy and healthy environment for all of you.
5) Using a polyamorous relationship as a distraction
Some couples enter a polyamorous relationship because they’re having problems and want a distraction from their everyday lives. It will bring excitement back into your life and give you something to look forward to but your problems are still going to be there and are getting worse because you’re ignoring them. This will cause strain between the two of you and this negative mood will affect your potential partner so they’ll be less likely to commit to you. If you’re having problems then you need to deal with them before you make a big lifestyle change so that both of you are mentally and emotionally ready to be in an open relationship.
6) Hiding cheating by being in a polyamorous relationship
A problem that happens in this type of relationship is that one person thinks it’s now fine to sleep with anyone they want and will hide their cheating by using being in a polyamorous relationship as an excuse. When they get caught and there’s a fight they’ll act like nothing is their fault and it causes damage between them and both of their partners. When you’re in an open relationship you have to be honest with your partners about sleeping with other people because it’s a decision that affects all of you.
7) Practicing non monogamy for the wrong reasons
Living a non monogmay lifestyle will go badly if you’re doing it for the wrong reasons and many couples don’t realize this. They think it’s new and exciting and that it will go perfectly, just like they imagine. The reality is different and if you enter this type of relationship because you’re ignoring personal problems, want to have a way of cheating without getting in trouble or want to be seen as edgy by your friends then your first polyamorous relationship will probably be your last. It won’t live up to your expectations and you’ll be dissatisfied enough that you’ll stop making an effort. Your partners will notice you losing interest and they’ll stop trying to make things work until you decide to end it. You should only practice non monogamy when you know for sure that it’s something you want and can handle and that it will be beneficial to you and your primary partner.
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