Trying BDSM for the first time can be a scary but thrilling experience because you don’t fully know what to expect but you’re also living out some of your deepest, darkest fantasies. You want your first experience with BDSM to be a good one but to have this happen you need to plan the occasion carefully and remember all the little details you may not be aware of. The more prepared you are the more you can relax and enjoy the session because you’ll know what to expect.
1) See a dominatrix
If you’re single or not comfortable with talking to your partner about your BDSM fantasies you’ll be tempted to find a stranger to act them out with. It’s easy to find someone on dating sites like FbookHookups who enjoy BDSM activities but it’s best to see a professional dominatrix for your first experience. A dominatrix knows a variety of kinky activities and the proper way to do them whereas a non-professional may lie about how proficient they are which can lead to injuries. A dominatrix knows how to take care of clients and is focused on making it a good experience for you instead of focusing on their own need. She will also make an effort to play safe and avoid leaving marks or bruises on you because she wants to protect her reputation and keep you coming back for more.
2) Go to a beginner’s night at a fetish club
If you want to get a taste of the BDSM lifestyle to meet like-minded people and see all the different aspects of it then you can go to a fetish club. They often have a night just for people who are new to the scene and you’ll be able to meet people who are experiencing it for the first time as well as people who are active in it. These events have a welcoming atmosphere and everyone there knows that these nights are different from the regular ones so things won’t be as wild as they usually are so everyone feels comfortable. You’ll be able to talk to them, ask them questions and watch other people performing BDSM activities so you can get an idea of what to expect. You don’t have to participate if you don’t want to and if you decide to join in then all you need to do is ask the person you’re interested in if it’s okay with them.
3) Plan your ideal BDSM experience
It’s easy to get excited and overwhelmed by all the options offered in the kink community so you need to take some time to think about and plan how you would like your first experience to go. You can fantasize about your ideal experience then watch videos online, read forums by people who are active in the scene or go to a fetish club or talk to a dominatrix to get a realistic idea of how you can make your fantasy come to life. You need to think about who you’ll do these activities with, what you want to do, your level of pain tolerance and how to do all of this in a safe way.
4) Talk about what you want to your partner
Once you know how you’d like your first BDSM experience to go you need to talk to your partner or a dominatrix about what you want. You have to give them a detailed outline of what you’d like to do so they’re clear about what they’ll be participating in and you need to listen to what they have to say about it. If they have any questions or are unsure about anything then you need to give them the information they want or watch a video which shows the activity you’re talking about. This helps put you and your partner on the same page and this will help your first BDSM experience go smoother.
5) Choose a safe word
When you do any type of risky sexual behavior you need to have a safe word in case things get out of hand, you change your mind or if you’re in pain. Even if you and your partner have an idea of how the BDSM session will go there is always there chance of something going wrong and a safe word will let your partner know that they need to stop what they’re doing immediately. You need to decide the safe word before you start doing anything and it needs to be a word that is easy to say and remember. The safe word should not be a word that can be misinterpreted, like “No.” or “That hurts.” because those are words that you may use during certain scenarios when you actually want them to keep going. It’s a good idea to say the safe word a couple of times before sex so that you get used to saying it and it can help you remember it.
6) Start slowly and build up
You’re going to be excited about trying BDSM for the first time and this can cause you to try too many things at once because all of your fantasies will be filling your head. You need to make sure you put a stop to this when you notice it happening and get yourself back in control. Trying to do all of your desires in one session will stop you from fully immersing yourself in the experience because you’re thinking about what’s coming next and you may not be mentally or physically prepared for certain activities. You need to start slowly and have your first session be a tame one so that you can see the affect it will have on you. This will give you an idea of what your limits are, understand the difference between reality and fantasy and help you plan your next experience.
7) Don’t forget about aftercare
Aftercare is a necessary part of BDSM and this is done once your session starts to wind down, all of the sexual activities are done and your emotions are at a high which leaves you in a vulnerable state. This is when your partner or dominatrix will help you come down from the intense experience you’ve just had by doing something that makes you feel safe. This can be quietly lying beside you or holding you, taking care of any wounds you got during the session, giving you water so you can re-hydrate yourself or showing affection. The type of aftercare varies by how intense the session was, what activities were done and what your needs are.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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