Going through a bad breakup is going to lead to an overwhelming amount of emotions, mostly negative ones like hurt, confusion, sadness and anger. You’re going to feel like everything is falling apart and everything is hopeless but you can’t let yourself get stuck in this state of mind. You need to give yourself some time to work through the emotions until you feel calm and steady then think about the past, present and future because you’ve learned powerful lessons from this breakup even if you don’t realize it at first.
1) You can’t change someone
It’s common for people to enter relationships thinking that the other person is nearly right for them and they can change them into the perfect partner over time. That isn’t real love though because it’s about trying to make your fantasy a reality and this is something you may have done to your partner. Think about how you treated them and if you got tired of them not always living up to your expectations because if this was the cause of your breakup then you now know that you need to accept your next partner for who they are and not to settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
2) You need to stay true to yourself
Just like you can’t change someone, you’re not going to be happy if you pretend to be someone you’re not in your relationships. If you were deep in love with your ex then there’s a good chance that your tried to make things work by compromising in their favour and by hiding your feelings to be who they want you to be. One cause of the breakup may have been you reaching your breaking point and wanting to stay true to yourself and this change was too much for your partner to take. It’s a painful lesson but it’s helped you get in touch with your inner self and you’re less likely to make that same mistake again.
3) You know what you don’t want in relationships
After a bad breakup you’re going to be spending a lot of time going over what went wrong and will have a clear idea of certain events or differences in life goals that led to the end. If you made any big decisions, like not wanting to get married or have children, then it’s important that you learned what you truly want and it’s better to go back to being single than making a major decision that isn’t right for you. Your next relationship will go smoother because you know what your boundaries are and can be upfront before things get too emotionally involved.
4) You find what qualities you want in a partner
You went through a bad breakup for a reason and it’s because the problems between you and your partner were too difficult to overcome. Put your hurt feelings aside and be honest about how you feel about your partner and make a list of what made up mad at them and what made you love them. This is going to help you understand that there are certain qualities you need in a partner and when you start dating again you’re going to have a better idea of what to look for so you don’t end up in another bad relationship.
5) You played a part in the breakup
Putting all of the blame on your ex for the breakup might feel good at first but once that fades you need to accept the fact that you played a part in it as well. Relationships are about two people working together and you’re going to repeat your mistakes unless you learn some lessons about yourself. Think about what you could have done differently that would have changed things for the better and work on any issues that you have. Doing this before you start dating again is going to help you have healthier relationships and when you find yourself falling back into old behaviors you know that you need to stop what you’re doing and find a new solution to the problem.
6) Love doesn’t always last
Some people tell themselves it won’t happen again and the next person will be the right one but if you’re smart you’re going to accept a hard truth: love doesn’t always last and that’s okay. You’re going to realize that there were some happy times in your relationship and that’s what matters the most because you created good memories. Your appreciation for that is going to help you move on and learn to go with the flow with your next partner while keeping in mind that you may not spend the rest of your lives together.
7) Being in love and being together are very different
Some couples try to make a relationship work because they get along great and think that if they try harder they can fall in love but being in love and enjoying each other’s company are two very different things. If you still care for your partner even after a bad breakup then you were probably forcing feelings that weren’t there and not knowing what you were doing wrong. Now that you’re no longer together you can create some emotional distance from the situation and realize that you may be better as friends instead of lovers.
8) Being single is healthier than chasing love
If you were the one who kept trying to fix the relationship and was willing to do anything for your partner then it can be from a fear of being alone. You were chasing love even though it was no longer there and that’s going to be difficult to accept because it brings up many uncomfortable feelings. This is when you start working on yourself and understand that it’s okay to be single and that your life isn’t over just because you’re no longer in a relationship. Knowing that the time after a breakup can be used to improve your mental and emotional health isn’t easy but during a time of reflection like this is a good time to learn to be by yourself and enjoy it.
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Tagged with: breakup • love • relationships