Easy Ways to Have a Better Relationship with Your Partner
Dealing with a highly judgmental partner is a tricky thing to do because you love them and you don’t want to make things worse. It’s confusing because you don’t know why they treat you this way and you want to do better because you don’t like the way they make you feel. You’re being manipulated and your confidence is affected. This is a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship and you have to be smart about what you do because it may or may not be something you can fix. You need to do what’s best for you because you don’t want them having such a powerful hold over you.
1) Don’t react in front of them
They like seeing the affect they have on you and when you get upset it gives them what they want while encouraging them to keep doing it. You have to control your emotions and avoid reacting in any way to the things they say or do that upset you. Act like it doesn’t bother you and try to casually go somewhere so that you can get away from them. Deal with your emotions in private so they don’t get the satisfaction of seeing what they’ve done to you. They’re still going to be a judgmental partner but they may lose interest in bothering you so much if they’re not getting what they want.
2) Talk to them in a calm manner
When you’re talking to your judgmental partner you need to avoid going down to their level by raising your voice or being mean back to them. Don’t be hostile when they’re that way with you because this makes you as bad as they are. They can use this against you by commenting about your bad behavior. Instead you need to stay in control and talk to them in a calm manner. This shows them that you’re capable of maintaining control and that you’re focusing on your thoughts and feelings instead of theirs. Staying calm can stop things from escalating and can be a subtle way of getting them to calm down because they don’t want to come across as being crazy so they match their tone to yours.
3) Be confident when you speak
A judgmental partner hates it when you’re confident because it’s easier to pick on someone who’s insecure. When you speak to them you need to sound confident so they know you’ve thought about what you’re saying and are less likely to take criticism from them. If they try to rattle you by making a mean comment you need to take a moment to gather your thoughts then continue with what you’re saying. Being confident will confuse your judgmental partner because they’re used to being the one in control while you moderate your behavior based on their criticisms. They’re unsure of how to make you react and will think twice about trying to upset you because they’re not sure how things are going to play out.
4) Accept that they may be a narcissist
If being a judgmental partner is something they’ve been since the beginning of the relationship then it’s unlikely you can help them change. It’s a part of their personality and you need to accept it because this is the only way they know how to be. They may be this way because they’re a narcissist and don’t realize how they act towards you. In their mind they’re perfect and you’re the one with the attitude problem so when you bring up their behavior they truly don’t understand what you’re talking about. The best you can do is accept them for who they are and decide if you’re willing to stay in this toxic relationship because of the love you think you have for them.
5) See if there’s a reason they’re a judgmental partner
It’s emotionally difficult being with a judgmental partner because you feel like nothing you do is right. You may not be the only one who feels this way because they feel like they’re being judged too and are lashing out at you as a way of dealing with it. Your partner might be having problems with their boss, a co-worker or a parent who keeps telling them they’re not good enough and it’s stressing them out. When they’re with you they feel like they can let go of some of the stress by being a judgmental partner towards you because you love them and there won’t be any consequences. Find out if something is bothering them and if there is you can be supportive because this can help them change the way they act.
6) Think about what they’re telling you
Your judgmental partner may be bad at communicating and it comes across in a harsher way than they intended. Think about what they say to you that makes you feel belittled and try not to let your emotions take over. They may have a valid point but aren’t expressing it in a helpful way so pick out the keywords and ignore the tone they were said with. They can be expressing frustration at a bad habit you have or are upset that you seem uninterested in them lately and this is how they’re letting you know. This can help you see things from their point of view and decide if you need to make some changes.
7) Don’t let them poison you’re mind
Being around a narcissist can poison your mind over time, especially when it’s someone you love and want to spend your life with. You begin to believe what they say and this slowly strips away your self-confidence until you’re under their control. You can’t let this happen and you need to protect yourself as much as you can. Speak to yourself in a positive tone, push away negative thoughts and try not to take what they say too personally. Remind yourself that it’s just their opinion and others don’t think that way because they treat you differently.
8) Plan to get out of the toxic relationship
Just because you’re in a toxic relationship and in love it doesn’t mean that you have to stay with them. If you can’t put up with their treatment of you anymore but still love them then plan to leave. Your feelings won’t change but being away from them can help you get perspective and see that they’re not right for you. It takes time to leave but you can ask friends or family for help, there’s a good chance they’ve seen how your partner treats you or have noticed a change in you and will be glad to do what they can for you.
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