Sharing your feelings, especially when you know it can ruin a friendship, is something you need to do carefully so that you can make it the best experience as possible. When it comes to a sensitive subject, like you realizing you’re sexually attracted to someone you used to see in a platonic way, you need to look at it from every angle you can and decide what is going to work best for you. You need to understand that this is going to be a shock to your friend and take them into consideration when you decide to confess your feelings for her instead of making it all about letting go of your secret.
1) Drop hints about your feelings
One way to ease your way into a conversation about your feelings is to casually drop hints about it as a way of leading up to a more upfront declaration. This gives your friend time to think about where things are going and figure out how they feel about you. You can mention being single and wishing you could date a girl like her or say that the more you get to know her the more you realize she’d be a great girlfriend and any guy would be lucky to date her. She’s going to think you’re just joking at first but is going to realize you mean it as time goes on and will take you seriously when you finally tell her the truth.
2) Don’t give her an ultimatum
Don’t tell her that you need to know right away if she’s sexually attracted to you as well or that you can’t be friends anymore if she’s not interested in dating you. This puts her on the spot and the pressure you’re putting on her isn’t something a real friend would do to someone they care about. You need to stay as close to neutral as you can when talking to her, while still being genuine about your feelings, then back off so she can deal with this in her own way. This lets her still see you as the kind, supportive friend she knows you as but also as a sweet guy who would be a good boyfriend.
3) Keep your sexual fantasies to yourself
When you finally get to express yourself it’s easy to lose control and say things you regret later on so you need to make an effort at keeping the conversation focused on the right area. When you talk to your friend you need to be honest about how you feel but don’t share too much with her. Tell her that you’re sexually attracted to her and have been for a while but don’t say things that are going to sound creepy, like “I’ve been thinking about hooking up with you for so long.” or “I always think of you when I’m with my girlfriend.” You need to separate your sexual fantasies from your feelings so that you don’t make the wrong impression.
4) Give her time to process the news
Your friend is going to need time to process what you’ve just told her so you need to control your anxiousness and give her some space. Once you’ve expressed yourself to her don’t mention it again or do things like text her flirty comments or start acting like her boyfriend. Stay in the friend zone and wait for her to make the next move because if you rush her she may do something she regrets and it can ruin things between the two of you. It’s important that she decides what she wants and that’s going to take time since this is probably something she wasn’t expecting.
5) Keep being her friend
Things are going to be awkward between you and your friend for a while after you’ve confessed your attraction towards her. The best thing you can do during this time is to keep being her friend and let her know that you understand if she feels differently about you or if she needs some time before dealing with the change in your relationship. She’s going to appreciate this gesture because it makes her feel like they haven’t changed as much as she thought they had and that you support her no matter what.
6) Make sure she knows it’s not a whim
If you suddenly tell her you’re sexually attracted to her she may have doubts about how serious you are and that you’re only doing this because you’re tired of being single, you’re feeling lonely or that you’re acting on impulse. You have to set the right tone when you’re talking to her so that she knows you’re serious about and you need to avoid making jokes to try and break the tension. Be upfront about how you feel, even if it makes you uncomfortable, because she’s going to see and hear the sincerity.
7) Choose the right time to tell her
When you’re telling someone big or important news you need to do it at the right time because that’s going to play a big part in how things go. You don’t want to tell her when you know she’s dating a guy she’s serious about because this is going to put her in a difficult position. When you’re hanging out together and drinking it might seem like a good time because you’re both relaxed but she may think the alcohol influenced your decision. You should talk to her when you’re alone together and do it when both of you are calm, clear-headed and single.
8) Keep dating other women
If you tell her you’re sexually attracted to her and are going to stay single because you’re waiting for her then it’s going to make her feel awkward. You may think it shows you’re serious about her but she’s going to think you’re putting all your dating dreams on her and she now has expectations to live up to. She’s not going to want to deal with this and may end the friendship because it’s easier for her. You need to tell her how you feel but will keep casually dating until she makes her decision because you still want to be her friend even if she doesn’t want to be more than that.
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