When you’re in a relationship you should feel happy and loved so there is something wrong when you feel insecurity. This shows a change needs to be made because you have a problem with your self-esteem and need to work on yourself so that you can stop having a negative view on your role as part of a couple. This takes time but if you’re willing to do scary and uncomfortable things like learning to speak up for yourself and taking an honest look at your feelings you can turn things around and be one of the healthy people who are confident in their relationship.
1) Stop blaming yourself for everything
One of the causes of insecurity is blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong and thinking that you can’t do anything right. You don’t consider the possibility that it’s your partner’s fault and you apologize for screwing up again. This takes a toll on your mental health and you start putting your partner on a pedestal for being better than you which furthers the amount of insecurity you feel. You need to start taking responsibility for only the mistakes that you make and remind yourself that your partner isn’t perfect either. Since your partner is used to you taking the blame for everything they may also blame you for things that happen even when it’s their fault and you need to stand up for yourself and insist that it wasn’t your fault then point out why you feel like it’s theirs.
2) Work on your self-esteem
Having low self-esteem affects the way you see yourself which affects your relationship. To lessen the amount of insecurity you feel, you need to be more positive and this is something that takes time and effort. When you put yourself down you need to stop and correct what you’re saying so that it doesn’t affect your mood so much. Instead of calling yourself an idiot you should admit you made a mistake but everyone does that and move on and when you think you can’t do something you need to push yourself to try because it might work out after all. You need to talk to yourself like you would a friend you care about because those are going to be loving, positive words. This will come naturally after a while and your self-esteem will improve because you’re having less negative thoughts.
3) Surround yourself with healthy people
When you’re struggling with insecurity you don’t want to be around people who are upbeat and confident and are going to seek out people who are doing worse than you so you can feel better about yourself. This new group of friends are going to keep you in a bad mental place because all of you can relate to each other and this makes everyone feel safe. You need to look at your friends and only keep ones who care about you and find healthy people to hang out with. Their confidence is going to help motivate you into improving yourself because you see how happy they are and want to be like that.
4) Learn to let go of hurt feelings
Holding on to hurt feelings from the past can cause insecurity because you still have anger towards your partner but don’t feel like you can bring it up now because you’ve waited too long. You keep these feelings buried inside and they gnaw away at your self-esteem because you think you’re weak for not dealing with it. You need to stop being weighed down by the past and either accept that it happened and let it go or sit down with your partner and talk to them about it. Knowing that you were strong enough to do this is going to ease the insecurity you feel and motivate you to deal with other issues that are bothering you. You’re going to keep working on them until you’re confident and willing to deal with your feelings as they happen.
5) Don’t overthink everything
It’s going to be difficult making decisions and you’re going to rely on your partner more often which takes away some of your independence. To stop doing this you have to learn to relax and trust your instincts. When something happens or you need to make a decision you have to take it at face value and go with the flow instead of thinking of all the ways it could go wrong. This is scary at first because it feels like you’re not in control but you have to remember that healthy people don’t go through life stressing themselves out by overthinking the little things.
6) Speak up for yourself
When you don’t speak up for yourself you’re acting like your thoughts and feelings don’t matter and this makes your insecurity worse. You have to start voicing your opinions more, even if they’re different from your partner’s, and make sure your involved in any decision making. When your partner does something that bothers you, you need to tell them that you’re upset and what they did wrong so they know how you feel. This helps them understand you better and will bring you closer together which makes your insecurity go away because you feel like an equal.
7) Improve yourself
Your insecurity may be caused by not feeling great about yourself and wondering why your partner loves you because you think they can do better. You can boost your confidence about being a good person by improving yourself in small ways as a way of learning to see yourself as worthwhile. Make a list of all the things you see as your bad qualities, like being overweight or not following through on a goal, and take time fixing these qualities. These small achievements add up and your self-esteem is going to be better than ever so your doubts will go away.
8) Understand and resolve your insecurity
Something is causing your insecurity and it’s not going to get better until you know what it is and take steps towards resolving it. Pay attention to how you feel and when the insecurity is strong make a note of what caused it. This is going to help you understand what triggers it and then you can figure out a plan on how to deal with it. You can talk to your partner about how you feel and turn to them for support so that you can get your relationship back on track.
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