After a big fight with your partner, things are tense because feelings are hurt and there’s a new emotional distance between the two of you. You can’t let this go on for too long because it can damage your relationship so you need to find ways to reconnect and get back on track. This isn’t something that happens quickly, it takes time because both of you need to deal with your feelings and this can take different amounts of time. You have to keep trying, even if it means trying more than one method, because healing needs to happen if you love each other.
1) Don’t force them to move on with healing
Healing takes time and this can vary by person so you need to remember that just because you’re ready to move on it doesn’t mean they feel the same way. You need to respect that by giving them some space and letting them take as much time they need so they can deal with their thoughts and emotions instead of ignoring them. It’s important that you only start healing when both of you are ready otherwise it can cause another fight later on. Once both of you feel ready you can reconnect by talking like you used to and getting back into a normal routine. This makes everything seem like it was before the fight and you start feeling like a couple again.
2) Genuinely apologize
A genuine apology can help you reconnect because it shows your partner that you’re sorry about what happened and you accept responsibility in your role in the fight. When you apologize, tell them you don’t like fighting and that it bothers you when it happens. Let them know you’ll make an effort to avoid it happening again and that from now on you’ll try and talk out any problems you have. Give them a chance to apologize and share their feelings so they feel like you care about the impact the fight had on them. This gives both of you a fresh page and is the way you start to reconnect.
3) Talk about the fight
Talking about the fight is something you should do after some time has passed and tensions are no longer high. You need to do this reconnect because it gives you a chance to deal with the issue that caused the fight and any other issues that are bothering you and may lead to a fight. Talk about what caused the fight, what you think needs to happen to fix the situation and if there is anything else upsetting you. Both of you need to talk in a calm, honest way so healing can happen and you can share ideas on how to improve your relationship.
4) Spend quality time together
Spending quality time together helps you reconnect by re-igniting the bond you feel while giving you something to do. This takes your mind off the fight and you can bring back the love you have for them. This needs to be just the two of you without any distractions so turn off your phone and go somewhere quiet, like a restaurant, a walk in the park or a picnic. It should be an activity that both of you like and lets you feel at ease so you can be more open when you talk. The intimacy this mood brings will build a closeness and you’ll enjoy each other’s company, which makes you want to spend even more quality time together.
5) Do something special for them
One way to reconnect with your partner is by showing you still love them and are trying to fix the negativity that’s lying between you. You can do this by doing something special for them, like cooking their favorite meal or taking them on a date to some place, they’ve always wanted to go. It needs to be something that you know they’ll love because this shows thoughtfulness. Later on when they thank you for what you did or ask why you did it you can tell them that you felt bad about fighting with them, you don’t like seeing them upset and you want them to be happy again.
6) Remember why you fell in love
Remembering why you fell in love can be a meaningful conversation that can make you and your partner reconnect. Before you talk to your partner, think about the moment when you first knew you loved them and of all the happy moments you had together. This puts you in a positive mood and you’ll be more ready for the conversation. Create a sense of intimacy by dimming the lights and snuggling up on the couch or wait until both of you are in bed and feeling relaxed. Begin the conversation by saying that you love them so they know you’re trying to reconnect emotionally with them and then talk about about the good times in your relationship. The two of you can bond over these memories and will help you move on from the fight because you want those loving feelings to come back.
7) Bring intimacy back into the relationship
Intimacy is important in a relationship because it keeps the bond strong between you and your partner and keeps love alive. After a fight both of you are going to feel bad and if you let this go on for too long it can be difficult to remember that you still love each other so you need to reconnect before that happens. You have to make an effort at bring intimacy back because this starts getting things back on track and your partner sees you’re making an effort, which motivates them to do the same. Be more loving towards them by touching them when you talk, give them a back rub after work or have a meaningful conversation. These small gestures can make a big change to the mood between the two of you.
8) Forgive and move on
The worst thing you can do when trying to reconnect after a fight is not forgiving your partner when they apologize and bringing up the fight later on. When both of you have said sorry, you need to accept their apology and forgive because this shows you want to move on. If you throw the fight back in their face, it’s a betrayal and they know you lied about forgiving them, which breaks the trust between you. If you’re not ready to forgive and forget you need to wait awhile and then talk to them about how you’re feeling so you can deal with it and then genuinely forgive them.
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