Dating a non-affectionate person? here’s what to do
There’s lots of different personality types that you encounter on the dating scene but most people are drawn to the ones they’re used to. It feels familiar and you know what to expect. Sometimes you end up feeling a spark with someone you’re not normally attracted to and you have to learn how to adjust your expectations. If you’re the type of person who easily shows affection and you begin seeing someone who isn’t like that then you may think something is wrong when there isn’t or you get frustrated because you don’t understand their behavior. You need to have patience and realize that you need to make a few changes so that this relationship can work.
1) They show affection in other ways
There are many ways to show affection even though most people associate it with physical gestures like cuddling, holding hands, kissing and other similar acts. Your partner doesn’t show it this way often and will usually only do these things to make you happy or if you keep asking them what’s wrong. You need to keep an open mind because they show affection in other ways so pay attention to what they do. They will do nice things for you, like make you breakfast or surprise you with a treat, because they do love you and it’s easier for them to show it this way.
2) Small loving gestures mean a lot
When an introvert gives small gestures it’s easy to overlook them so don’t ignore it when they put their arm around you or rest their hand on top of yours. It doesn’t come naturally to them and they’re making an effort to do this because they want to express themselves in a way you can understand. They know you expect affection and do small gestures because they’re trying to get used to doing this. They’re making themselves comfortable with being affectionate with you and may try to increase the amount they do this as time goes on. You need to appreciate the effort they’re making and gently encourage them by mentioning how much it means to you.
3) Dating can feel emotionally distant
When you’re dating a person who struggles showing how they feel it creates a mood between the two of you. There’s an emotional distance and it’s a new experience for you so you don’t know at first what’s wrong, you just know that something’s different. The issue is that you’re not connecting to them in a way that you’re used to and are struggling to find a way that works. You feel like they don’t love you as much as you love them or you worry about them still being in love with their ex. You need to work through this and tell them how their behavior makes you feel because it can be something you deal with as a couple.
4) You can’t force them to change
The worse thing you can do with an introvert is forcing them to change who they are. You’re disrespecting them and making them feel like they’re not good enough. This affects their mental and emotional health as well as pushing them away from you. If you’re serious about dating them then you need to accept them for who they are. There’s a reason you’re with them so focus on that and remember your desire for lots of affection is stressful for them which gets worse from your judgment. Don’t make a big deal about it unless it is having a big negative impact on your relationship and make sure that it’s important enough to discuss instead of being nitpicky.
5) It doesn’t mean they don’t love you
It’s easy to feel unloved when your partner doesn’t show you affection but you have to push away this knee jerk reaction. If you don’t then you’re going to constantly get upset and you fight often with them. It’s okay to struggle with how their behavior affects you but you need to separate your emotions and your true thoughts. You know they love you and that their inability to express this in a way that you want doesn’t change how they feel about you. Their love for you is the same whether they show it through kissing and cuddling or being supportive and remembering the small things that make you happy.
6) You can’t show affection in public
They’re embarrassed, stressed and uncomfortable but can’t be open about it because they’re around other people. You don’t want to make them feel this way so you have to be aware of what you do with them. Try to avoid holding their hand or putting your arm around them as you walk down the street and be mindful of personal space. They’re going to either pull away from you so they can feel better or ignore it because they don’t want to cause a scene. Don’t keep trying to make them be affectionate and wait until they decide to initiate it.
7) You have to be considerate of dates
Dating can be tricky when you’re not with an extrovert because the way you acted with previous lovers may not be okay with them. They don’t want to go on dates that involves snuggling in a park and watching the sunset or going to a scary movie where you’re constantly grabbing and holding on to them. They want to go on dates where they can be with you while also having their own space. Go with them to a restaurant, an amusement park, a museum or a similar activity where there’s no physical touching.
8) They don’t need a lot of affection
An introvert is fine with minimal amounts of touching and meaningful gestures. They tell you it’s not a big deal to them or it’s something they don’t enjoy because they want you to know what to expect from them. You may think they’re just shy and really want more affection but don’t know how to ask for it but you’re wrong. They mean it when they say they’re fine or that it makes them uncomfortable. They’re not like you and you need to accept that.
9) What they show is genuine
A good thing about dating a person who isn’t very open emotionally or physically is that what they show you is genuine. This means you can trust what they say or do because they’re making an effort instead of doing it out of habit. They’re going out of their comfort zone when they show affection and they only do this because it’s important to them to show how much they love you.
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