Some people are demisexual or asexual which can cause them to have a low sex drive and this can be confusing for their partners if they don’t understand these sexual orientations. They can mistake it for a lack of interest in them and wonder if the relationship is heading for a break up which could end up causing it to actually happen. If you’re not sure if your partner may be demisexual or just not into you then you need to learn what signs to look out for then apply them to your relationship. She may have strong feelings for you but needs more time before committing to a more active sex life.
1) She wants to really get to know you
At the beginning of the relationship things are exciting and there’s lots of sexual tension but the two of you are going to deal with this differently if she’s a demisexual. You’re going to be fantasizing about sleeping with her and dying for the moment things head for the bedroom. Her sexual desire for you is going to be less strong and she’s going to push those thoughts away because she wants to take things slow so she can really get to know you. Instead of flirting and trying to take things to a sexual level, she’s going to be spending quality time with you and asking you all sorts of questions.
2) She works on building a connection
Feeling a strong connection is important to a demisexual before they start thinking about having sex so this is where your partner is going to make the most effort. This involves conversations so she can find out what you have in common, spend time engaging in your favorite hobby or watching your favorite TV show or movie and making sure there’s a solid friendship between the two of you before gradually leading towards having sex. She’s not going to waste time doing this if she’s not really into you.
3) She needs love before having sex
Depending on the asexual, they will have sex with their partner and like someone who is demisexual, it will usually happen once there’s a strong feeling of love between them and their partner. You’re going to notice your partner taking things slowly but is making an effort to have a strong, loving relationship which she won’t do if she doesn’t want to date you anymore. It takes time for love to build and she wants to make sure you’re the right man for her so she’s not going to rush things.
4) Having sex isn’t a big part of relationships for her
She’ll say that she always moves slow when starting a relationship or that having sex has never been a big deal to her and that it’s about being together that’s important to her. This is just the way she is and she isn’t going to start changing because she’s now dating you.
5) She casually mentions less known orientations
Demisexual and Asexual are lesser-known sexual orientations but your partner will be familiar with them as well as others if she identifies that way. She’s probably spent time trying to figure out why her interest in sex is different from others and has done research into different sexual orientations to try to understand herself better. She’s had time to become comfortable with her orientation and will casually mention lesser-known sexual orientations because they’re now familiar to her.
6) She doesn’t look forward to having sex
If you’re not sure if she’s demisexual or just not into you than part of the confusion may be how she reacts to having sex. You notice that she doesn’t look forward to it like you do and you’re not sure why. When you try to make it exciting for her she doesn’t respond the way you expect her to and it’s because the emotional connection she needs isn’t there but she doesn’t know how to explain this to you. Until the relationship progresses to a certain point you’re going to feel like she’s making an effort when it comes to having sex because she wants to make you happy and you expect it from her.
7) She’s not interested in porn or other men
Someone who’s demisexual needs to feel a strong emotional connection to their partner before they feel sexual desire. This makes it difficult for them to be interested in porn or to feel attraction to strangers. When you’re trying to figure out if your partner is demisexual or just not interested in you, you can see how she reacts to other sexual stimulants. You can suggest watching porn together or you can discreetly watch her when you’re out in public and see if she checks out other men. If she has no interest then it may be because she’s a demisexual.
8) She’s attracted to your personality
When you’re dating a demisexual you’ll notice that the things that grab her attention and make her attracted to you are personality based instead of physical based. She won’t flirt and make comments about your body or sexual prowess because that’s not her main interest. She’s going to compliment you on your personality traits, like how smart or kind you are. It’s your personality that helps her feel a bond with you and that’s what triggers her sexual desire.
9) Intimacy is a big part of your relationship
Just because a demisexual needs time to get to a sexual place when they’re in a relationship it doesn’t matter that they don’t enjoy intimacy. If your partner is demisexual intimacy will be a big part of your relationship because it makes them feel closer to you and strengthens the bond between the two of you. She wants romantic moments that don’t lead to sex, like snuggling up when watching TV or getting a back rub after a long day at work. She wants to feel loved and not feel like the intimate part of the relationship is non-existent just because of the difference the two of you have about sex.