Sexual desire is an important part of bonding with your partner and when there’s an issue in this part of your life it can cause major problems in your relationship. When your libido is different to your partners it can lead to feelings of being unloved or unattractive and it creates a distance between the two of you. You have to find ways of effectively dealing with this situation before things go too far because it is possible to have a healthy, happy relationship when there’s difference levels of sexual desire.
1) Take care of your own sexual desire
When your partner isn’t in the mood for you that doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own sexual desire or make them feel bad about how they feel. You can use masturbation as a way of dealing with these moments because it can satisfy you for a while until your partner is ready for sex. You shouldn’t make a big deal about it and be discreet because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. You can make this more enjoyable by buying a sex toy to enhance the sensations, watching a cam model or calling a phone sex line. By making it a special time to enjoy by yourself it seems less lonely and you realize that you don’t need to always depend on your partner to take care of your sexual desire.
2) Find ways to naturally increase libido
There are ways to naturally increase libido and they’re easy to slip into your everyday routine. Changing your diet to one that contains aphrodisiac food, like strawberries or watermelon, can help and you can use the foods on date nights to make it more romantic. Exercising can help with sexual desire in two ways: physically you’re in better shape so your body can perform tasks like releasing endorphins more easily and you feel more attractive because of the change in your appearance. These are things you can do as a couple and spending time together to improve your relationship can bring you closer together.
3) Bring sexual fantasies to life
It’s no longer something to look forward to and because you know you’re not going to enjoy it you start avoiding everything to do with sex. This can become the new normal unless you make an effort to bring the spark back. You can do this by trying something new in the bedroom. Talk to your partner about sexual fantasies and find out what really grabs their attention. Do their fantasy first because this gets them hooked and they won’t be able to stop thinking about what you did to them. They want more of it and this increases their libido without them realizing it.
4) Talk about your libido issues
Having different levels of sexual desire can be a sensitive subject because it makes you feel like there’s something wrong with the relationship and you’re self-conscious about your performance in the bedroom. Ignoring it seems easier but that doesn’t solve the problem. You need to talk about your l issues or talk to your partner about theirs so there’s no escaping it. This forces you to deal with it as a couple which can make it easier once you get started. Tell them why the mismatched libidos bother you, how you think it’s affecting your relationship and why you want to fix it. You can work together to find different solutions and is something that can be done over time so that neither of you feels pressured to magically make it better.
5) Have an open relationship
If you’re in a stable relationship and you trust each other but there’s still an incompatibility in the bedroom then you should consider changing the boundaries. An open relationship can help the person with the higher libido get their sexual needs met while still staying emotionally faithful. You can’t rush into a big decision like this and need to spend time seriously thinking about how you feel about making a chance like this. You also need to have honest talks with your partner so both of you know what’s acceptable and understand how it’s going to happen. Once the details are worked out you can meet someone exclusively to deal with your strong sexual desire without it being considered cheating.
6) Sex dates
It’s not very sexy to schedule when you’re going to be intimate with your partner but it can help you get into a routine. Each of you can share how often you’d like to have sex and agree on when it will happen. It needs to be fair to both of you and there has to be an understanding that there’s no pressure to increase frequency. It’s not all about sexual desire, it’s about spending time as a couple. It can start out as a regular date night but both of you know that it’s going to end in the bedroom. Make sure these dates are romantic by having a candle lit dinner or giving each other massages so the anticipation can build. You don’t want to rush into sex because it’s important that your partner is moving at a pace they’re comfortable with.
7) See a sex therapist
If the lack of sexual desire is causing a big problem in your relationship then you may not be able to fix it yourself. You need professional help and should consider seeing a sex therapist. They’re trained to deal with problems just like this and can provide support and a safe place for you and your partner to talk about what’s wrong. It’s neutral territory and it can be a relief to talk about things that you’ve been keeping to yourself. They can suggest techniques that are tailored to your personalities and are willing to work with you until your relationship is back on track.
8) Be more affectionate
Being more affectionate can make a big difference to the amount of attraction you have for your partner. It reinforces the love you have which makes it easier for you to become aroused by them. You can be more affectionate by doing non-sexual things like cuddling in bed, sharing something personal with them, taking a genuine interest in what they’re talking about, touching their arm while they speak or by holding their hand while walking down the street. These small gestures don’t go unnoticed and because it feels nice to be with someone who’s attentive it naturally makes you want more from them.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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Tagged with: libido • partner • sexual desire
