Dating someone who is emotionally unavailable can be tiring and put a strain on the relationship because you’re not able to get what you need from a partner. Love may blind you to how they really are at the beginning of the relationship and when you first notice something is wrong you won’t realize what it is or doubt that they’re really like that. Looking for signs, like their lack of compassion or ignoring sensitive issues, can help you see what they’re really like and admit that they’re not who you think they are.
1) They never compromise
Someone who is emotionally unavailable rarely compromises because it lets them stay in control and they’re not able to understand why this upsets you. They want you to go along with their wants and insist that their way is the right way without listening to your opinion. They don’t care about your feelings and by having things go their way they can feel like everything is okay and they don’t have to worry about anything. This isn’t going to make a relationship be long or happy because not being able to compromise with your partner is going to lead to hurt feelings, stress and eventually breaking up.
2) They won’t talk about sensitive issues
Emotionally unavailable people avoid sensitive issues because they don’t like dealing with anything that can make them feel anything other than okay. It makes them uncomfortable and they prefer to ignore it and hope it goes away. When you have relationship problems it’s impossible to get them to talk about it and they’re going to tell you it’s not a big deal or you’re overreacting. You can’t have meaningful conversations with them and you know they don’t care about what’s going on. This makes you keep problems to yourself while it gets worse and tension builds between the two of you.
3) You don’t feel close to them
It’s hard to form a connection with your partner if they’re emotionally unavailable because they never let people get too close to them. They know that if they do that then it’s going to affect their emotions and force them to feel a wide range of them. You love them but don’t feel like you truly know them and you doubt their love for you. You feel closer to your friends and when you try to spend more time with your partner or ask questions to get to know them better they pull away from you.
4) They think flirting is as good as genuine love
It’s difficult for a person who’s emotionally unavailable to show genuine love because it’s an intense emotion so they hint at it by flirting. Your partner does this because they think being flirty is just as good as genuine love and don’t realize it makes them seem fake. They tell you how sexy you look but they never say that they love you. You may appreciate the flattery at first but over time you’re going to want more from them and you’re not going to get it.
5) They quickly get angry
Anger tends to be a default emotion for someone who’s emotionally unavailable because it’s easier to feel than compassion, sadness or love. They get angry quickly and it makes them feel powerful because of the rush it gives them. They lash out at you when you expect a different reaction from them and there’s time when you don’t even know what they’re upset about. They get angry as a way to cover up how they really feel so you can’t trust that their anger is genuine and it puts you on edge because you don’t know what’s going to set them off.
6) They don’t emotionally support you
When you’re dating an emotionally unavailable person you’re never going to be able to rely on them when you’re upset. You come to them expecting to get emotional support as you talk about what’s bothering you but what happens is they don’t have time for you and tell you to grow up. They don’t take your feelings seriously. They find an excuse not to spend time listening to you, are dismissive when you express yourself and you have to go to your friends to get support from them instead.
7) They never show compassion
You’re going to notice a lack of compassion from your partner when you start looking closely at their behavior. They don’t show compassion when someone is upset or when they see something sad on the news. They never offer to help a person in need and criticize you when you show compassion because they’re worried that you’re going to make them act like you. They’d rather look the other way and pretend everything is fine than let them care about what someone else is going through otherwise they risk no longer being emotionally unavailable which is something they’re familiar with.
8) They act in negative ways
Negative behavior is a common occurrence when you’re dating an emotionally unavailable person because they don’t see things from other people’s perspective. They’re rude to people when you go out on dates, they interrupt others during conversations, they’re dismissive when someone else expresses an emotion and never take responsibility or apologize for what they’ve done. This is because they don’t think about the emotional impact of their behavior and are focused on getting through the moment.
9) They avoid you when you’re emotional
Everyone goes through times when they’re overly emotional and these can last for days or weeks depending on the situation. Your emotionally unavailable partner is going to avoid you when you’re going through this and you’re going to feel abandoned and unloved which makes your mood even worse. This is when your relationship goes through a rough patch and you can’t talk to them about it. They give excuses like having to work late or promising to hang out with their friends but the truth is they don’t want to be around you when it’s an emotionally charged environment.
10) Everything is always fine with them
Everything is always fine with an emotionally unavailable person, no matter what’s going on. They need to stay in control of their emotions and won’t let themselves feel anything other than okay. You’re going to mistake this for them being embarrassed of being upset and will try to get them to open up to you but this makes them annoyed and pull away from you. They want you to leave them alone and accept that they mean it when they say everything is okay.
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