9 Signs you are the toxic one in your relationship & how to fix it

November 6, 2017 Posted in Adult Dating Guide by No Comments

Dealing with a toxic person A toxic person might not realize how they’re acting because some of the behaviors come naturally to them and they only realize what they’re doing after taking a look at how they react to things. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone they’re incompatible with so you could be driving your partner away if you don’t make changes to fix it.

1) You want all of your partner’s attention

When you’re in love you want to spend time with your partner because they make you feel good but this can become possessive if you want all of their attention. You’ll feel annoyed when they want to hang out with friends or seem too busy with work and will demand that they focus more on you which will make them feel smothered. If you’re doing this then you need to try and give them some space and understand that they have a life outside of your relationship. You should want them to be happy and don’t guilt them into spending more time with you by telling them that you think they don’t love you anymore. Instead, plan a monthly night out where each of you hang out with your friends and have fun without feeling guilty about not being with each other.

Getting angry quickly

2) You get angry quickly

If you get angry quickly at your partner then it’s going to cause problems and make your partner feel uncomfortable around you. If you’re like this with everyone then it could be a hormone issue but if you’re just like that with your partner then it could be a relationship issue because something’s causing you to lash out. You need to recognize the signs of getting angry and remember to take a break so you can calm down and deal with the problem in a rational way. Let your partner know that you’re not angry at them and that it’s the situation that’s making you upset so they don’t feel like they’re getting all of the blame.

3) You go for revenge first

You’ll find a way to get back at them or will do something that you know will hurt them instead of dealing with the problem in a healthy way. You need to think of ways to deal with a problem that will make both of you happy and will bring you closer together. This could be things like talking honestly with each other to find a solution or taking a break until you feel like you can deal with the situation.

4) You get jealous easily

Everyone needs space from their partner and to have a social life otherwise they’re going to feel smothered and alone. Getting jealous when your partner spends time with friends or doing hobbies will make them feel like you don’t care about their happiness. You need to understand that they don’t love you less because they have other things that interest them and you should spend time focusing on your own social life so you don’t feel left out. Encourage them to have fun and remember to look forward to date nights where it’s just the two of you.

5) You pull away emotionally

If you pull away emotionally now and again because you need a break from your partner or if it’s your way of manipulating them into doing something then they’re going to feel like you’re incompatible with them. This will put a distance between you and over time it will get harder to fix because you’re going to get used to doing this. If you’re doing it because you need a break then talk to them so they understand that why you’re behaving that way. If you’re doing it to manipulate them then you need to stop and make an effort to be more in touch with your feelings so they know you love them.

6) You ignore problems

Ignoring problems will make them get worse and your partner will think that you’re doing this because the relationship isn’t important to you. They’ll make less of an effort and the relationship will fall apart. You need to deal with problems when they happen, even if it’s something you don’t want to deal with because this shows them that it’s important to you. You can deal with problems effectively by having an open and honest conversation with them and be willing to listen to their point of view. If you get overwhelmed then take a break but make sure that you come back to the issue so that it gets dealt with otherwise it might come up later on and make things even worse.

7) You never apologize verbally

People find it difficult to apologize and use actions instead to show their remorse. If you have a fight with your partner and don’t verbally apologize then they might not understand that you’re truly sorry. Doing gestures like buying them flowers, taking them on a nice date or helping out with extra chores will make them feel like you’re avoiding the issue and hoping that they’ve forgiven you. A heartfelt apology will go a lot further because they’ll be able to see and hear your sincerity and this will make it easier to forgive you because they’ll know that you realize you made a mistake.

8) You make all the decisions

Making all the decisions make you seem controlling and can make your partner feel like less of an equal. Over time this can cause them to resent you and wonder if they’d be better off with someone else. You need to make sure that there’s balance in your relationship and that they have a say in what you do as a couple. Talk to them before making a big decision and let them make plans occasionally for dates nights or where to go on vacation. This will make them feel like you’re building a life together and that their feelings and thoughts are just as important as yours.

9) You bring up the past

Bringing up the past during a fight is something you can do to hurt your partner and show them that you haven’t forgotten or forgiven what happened. It will feel good to hurt them so you might do it to win the fight but this is going to ruin your relationship because they’ll know your past apologies weren’t genuine and that you deliberately tried to hurt them. The past should stay in the past so when you’re having a fight stay focused on the current issue and don’t make the situation worse by bringing up other issues that need to be dealt with.

Katy Benett