Divorced singles who are getting back into the dating scene know a few things, like how they’ve changed since their last dating experience and what they really want in a partner. This is good because even though dating after divorce is scary, knowing things for sure can also give you more confidence and help you avoid going through another hard breakup.
1) It’s hard to start a new relationship
Most divorced singles find it hard starting a new relationship because they’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time and they feel like an outsider as they go to bars or join dating sites. As you start dating again you’ll realize that this feeling doesn’t go straight away and it will take time for you to become comfortable with dating and that it might take a few casual relationships before you’re ready for something more serious. You know that this won’t be easy and that it’s a good idea to take things slowly and ask friends for advice or to lend a shoulder to cry on.
2) Being divorced and single is different than being single
There’s a difference between being divorced and single and being single because the former has a lot more emotional baggage. When you go through a divorce you go through a lot of emotions like anger, heartbreak, confusion and loneliness and you need to get used to doing things by yourself and being a single parent if you have children. This will impact your dating life and can make it hard to find a partner who’s understanding and willing to help you deal with issues that come up. You know that dating is different this time and you’ll notice how much harder it is than you thought it would be.
3) You might not be over your ex
If you went through a hard breakup then you might start dating before you’re ready and you won’t know it until issues that you thought you’d dealt with come up. These issues tend to come up when you start a serious relationship because you feel yourself falling in love and you compare your new partner with your ex which can make you realize that you’re not over them. You fall back into old thoughts and feelings and get wrapped up in them which can lead to you sabotaging your new relationship. You know that you need to deal with the past before you can have a smoother future.
4) It takes longer to open up
After a divorce you’re more closed off emotionally because you’ve gone through a stressful experience that is emotionally and mentally draining. You’re mourning the loss of a love and the impact will be felt for a long time which will leave you wanting to protect yourself. When you date you’ll take things slowly and will only open up to them about personal things once you feel sure of the relationship because you know how much it hurts to be betrayed.
5) The first relationship is a rebound one
The first relationship after a divorce is a rebound one because you’re getting used to dating again and this is when you deal with your nervousness, your fears and getting comfortable with this new stage of your life. This is the relationship you dread because you know it won’t last long and it probably won’t end well and some people choose to go for hook ups instead to delay going through that. You’ll also know that it’s better to not rush into anything and see dating as a fun thing to do until you get back in the swing of things.
6) Your priorities are different
Your priorities will be different after a divorce because of the change in your circumstances. You might be worse off financially so you’ll focus more on work and prefer a more casual relationship, if you have children you need to figure out how to look after them while finding time for yourself or you might want a specific type of relationship or partner and you won’t settle for something that you know won’t make you happy. You’ll have a clear idea of what’s important to you and you’ll be more willing to not rush into relationship because you know that they don’t last.
7) A hard breakup is not only one person’s fault
If you’ve been through a hard breakup, like a divorce, then you’ve spent time wondering what went wrong and what you could have done differently. If you’re honest with yourself then you’ll know that you played a part in it and that it wasn’t entirely your partner’s fault that things didn’t work out. This gives you an idea of what you need to work on and do differently if you want your next love to be successful. You’ll go into dating with a bit more confidence because you understand yourself and the intricacies of relationships better so you’ll make less mistakes.
8) You know you don’t need to be in a relationship
A hard breakup will teach you that you don’t need to be in a relationship and that there’s nothing wrong with not being in a committed relationship. This makes dating easier because you’re not focused on a fairytale love that will lead to marriage and happily ever after. Instead, you’ll know that it’s okay if your relationship doesn’t work out because there’s always another one waiting to happen if you choose to keep dating. This helps ease the stress of dating and you won’t take it as hard when you break up because you know everything will be okay.
9) You know what you want in a partner
By the time you get through a divorce and start dating again you’ll have a good idea of what you want in a partner and you won’t waste time going after people who aren’t a good match for you. A list of desired qualities in a partner will be forefront in your mind and you’ll specifically seek out people who you can relate to. You’ll be more confident when turning someone down and will be more willing to wait for the right person because you know how bad it can be when you get involved with someone who isn’t a good match.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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Tagged with: divorced singles • hard breakup • new relationship