When you start a new relationship you’re excited and want to get closer to your partner by telling them all about yourself. The problem with that is it can lead to the overshare and could ruin the relationship. There are some things you should keep to yourself, like intimate thoughts or how many sexual partners you’ve had, until you know it’s a serious relationship and you can trust them with these types of things.
1) Why your last relationship ended
Talking about why your last relationship ended is something you should never talk about at the beginning of a relationship and if they ask you about it you should keep your answer short and vague. If you don’t tell them that things just didn’t work out or that you became friends instead of lovers then you risk getting upset because you’ll be thinking about your ex. This could result in you whining about your ex or getting angry and this could turn off your new partner. They don’t want to see the ugly side of you and they might worry that you’re not over your ex which are things they don’t want to deal with.
2) How many sexual partners you’ve had
No one likes thinking about how many sexual partners their significant other has had and if you tell them how many you’ve had then that is a major overshare. They’re going to wonder how they compare to your past lovers and if you’ve told them you’ve had quite a few sexual partners then they might see you as promiscuous. That is something that they’re going to be thinking about a lot and it will be difficult for them to move past it. They will also see you in a negative way and won’t make an effort to make the relationship work because they’ll think you’re the type of person who goes through relationships quickly.
3) Talking about your financial situation
If you’re wealthy and talk about the expensive car you drive or the fancy vacation you just took then it sounds like you’re bragging. Your partner might also feel that they’re not as well off as you and that you won’t be equals in the relationship because you’ll be able to afford things they can’t. If you have money issues and you talk about having difficulty paying your bills then it sounds like you’re complaining and they’ll wonder if you’re going to be getting them to pay for things that you should be taking care of. You should keep financial matters to yourself until your relationship has been going on for awhile that way it will have a lesser impact.
4) Mention adult dating sites
Mentioning how often you use adult dating sites like Adultfriendfinder is nearly as bad as talking about how many sexual partners you’ve had because it makes you look easy. You should downplay how much you use them and never mention dates that you’ve had from them because they’re going to be wondering if you’re still using them even though you’re dating them now. This could also make them feel like it’s okay for them to keep using adult dating sites and that could cause problems if you wanted a monogamous relationship.
5) Wanting to get married or have children
Talking to soon about wanting to get married or wanting to have children can put a lot of pressure on your partner and they’re going to feel like you’ve moving too quickly. this will make them pull away from you and maybe break up with you. You may only be saying you want these things because you do but not for a long time however they won’t know that and think you want these soon. It’s better to avoid this subject and only mention it casually if it’s brought up in a conversation that way the relationship can progress naturally and your partner won’t feel like your dating them because of an ulterior motive.
6) Complaining about what you don’t want or like
Once you’ve reached a certain age you have enough dating experience to know what you don’t want in a partner and how you like things to be. Being upfront about this can bother your partner because it makes you sound high maintenance and they’re going to feel like it’s not worth the effort to date you. You need to keep your opinions to yourself and when your partner does something you don’t like you can kindly ask them not to do it again. This is more respectful and it gives you time to learn about each other instead of setting high expectations that won’t be met.
7) Sharing intimate thoughts about sex
Sharing intimate thoughts about sex, like what positions you like and how often you want sex, can be off putting at the beginning of a relationship because it makes you seem obsessed with sex. There’s a natural excitement for sex since it’s a new relationship so being overly intimate is unnecessary. Your partner might also feel like you’re only interested in them in a superficial way and once sex gets boring you’ll leave them. It’s better to save your intimate thoughts until your relationship settles down and use your fantasies to bring back the spark of lust.
8) Gossip about other people
Gossiping about other people makes you seem immature and snobby which aren’t good qualities in someone and your partner is going to think less of you. Being a gossip will also weaken their trust in you because they’ll be wondering who you’re telling their secrets to. They want to date someone they trust and feel safe with so you need to show them that you understand and respect boundaries by giving people their privacy. When they share something intimate with you keep it to yourself and take their feelings seriously so they know that you’re someone they can rely on.
9) Your insecurities
You don’t want to overshare your insecurities because they’re going to see you as having low self-esteem and as someone who needs constant compliments so you can feel good about yourself. That seems like a lot of work and your partner won’t want to put it with someone who has such a negative personality. Everyone has insecurities and there are ways of dealing with them that make them manageable so work on yourself and only bring genuine problems into the relationship once you know your partner is with you for the long term. Your partner will find you much more attractive and likeable if you have a positive attitude so try to focus on what you like about yourself.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.
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Tagged with: intimate • overshare • sexual partner