Dating a Narcissist: 11 Ways to teach them how to change for the better

December 23, 2017 Posted in Adult Dating Guide by No Comments

Narcissist PersonalityDating someone with a narcissist personality can be challenging and could be a toxic relationship if you don’t take steps to protect yourself. Teaching them that they can change for the better, such as showing them empathy and standing up for yourself, is one of the ways that you can make the relationship is a positive one and will be safe for you to be in.

1) Show empathy

By showing them empathy you’ll be setting a good example by showing how they should be acting. Someone with a narcissist personality may not realize there’s something wrong with them until they see the difference between how you act and how they act. When you treat people with respect and kindness but they don’t point it out to them and say that you wish they’d have a more positive reaction that was similar to yours. You should also treat your partner the way you want to be treated so they know how good it feels and it can change the way they think and act.

2) Stand up to them

A narcissist personality is all about the person who has it; they only care about themselves and won’t take other people’s feelings into consideration. When your partner starts bullying you or ignoring your feelings then you need to stand up to them and let them know that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. Tell them that they wouldn’t like it if you acted that way and that you’ll break up with them if they don’t start treating you better.

3) Have them explain their point of view

A narcissist doesn’t think like you so have an open talk with them but remember that they probably don’t realize they are a narcissist. Tell them that you want to understand them better because right now you feel like you’re not on the same page. They might see what they’re really like if they hear themselves saying it out loud so encourage them to share how they think and feel. Be encouraging and avoid being judgmental so they feel comfortable sharing personal feelings with you.

4) Set boundaries for appropriate behavior

You need to set boundaries for appropriate behavior because your partner will expect all of the attention to be on them and will get upset if they feel like you’re not devoted to them. If they start demanding more of your time then tell them that you love them but that you have friends and family that you want to spend time with too. If they do something that upsets you then tell them that you don’t appreciate it and that if they disrespect you again then you’ll take a break from them. Follow through with what you say so they know you’re serious.

5) Don’t always take the blame

You need to only accept responsibility when it’s actually your fault and not let your partner blame you for everything. If they start blaming you and you know it isn’t your fault then calmly explain to them that you feel differently and give specific reasons as to why you think they’re the one who is at fault. Don’t let them bully you and don’t back down because if you do then they’ll keep on blaming you for things that aren’t your fault. This will show them that you won’t put up their behavior and that they need to start taking responsibility for their actions.

Showing Empathy

6) Ignore their temper tantrums

They will throw temper tantrums when things don’t go their way or if you correct them on something because it’s their way of conditioning you. After a while you’ll be used to their outbursts and will want to avoid them so you’ll automatically do what your partner wants in order to make them happy. You need to stop this and start ignoring them when they behave this way so they learn that they need to deal with things in a mature way.

7) Help them understand the effects of narcissist personality

If you think they have a narcissist personality and they don’t know it then you could do some research on it then talk to them about it. Explain why you think they have it and how it might be affecting their relationship with you as well as other people. This might get them to see that there is something wrong and be willing to change their behavior. You should also tell them how it affects you emotionally and mentally so they understand that it’s damaging someone they claim to love.

8) Don’t let them lie to you

A narcissist has no problem with lying because they don’t think it’s wrong as long as it keeps them out of trouble and looking like a good person. If they lie to you and you know it don’t ignore it because it’s the easier thing to do. Instead tell them that you know they’re lying and what the truth is so they know that they’re not fooling you. By confronting them when they lie eventually they’ll get tired of it and will try telling the truth.

9) Let them know how they hurt you

It is possible for some narcissists to change but it will take time, work and understanding. You can get them to see the impact it’s making on you by being specific about how you feel, be calm but use emotional words like “hurt” and “sad” to help them understand what’s going on inside you.

10) Offer to see a professional with them

A professional will be better equipped to deal with a narcissist than you so tell you partner that you love them, want to make the relationship work and that you think seeing a professional will be beneficial for both of you. You’re in a relationship with them so their behavior is your problem to deal with too. By going with them to a professional you’re supporting them and this will make it easier for them to accept the help.

11) Make it clear you want to help but won’t be a doormat

They’re use to having things their way and will do whatever it takes to make sure they stay in control. They may emotionally manipulate you into acting submissive around them which you’ll get used to so you need to stop that behavior. Tell them that you will help them or support them if they need it but that you’re not going to do everything for them. Demand that they treat you like an equal so they know where they stand with you.

Katy Benett