Jealousy can be damaging to a relationship, even more so than being unfaithful because it’s a personality trait that’s part of who you are. It will take to a lot of work to learn how to stop being jealous because you might not know why you act that way or how to change.
1) You’re insecure about your looks
Being insecure about your looks can lead to jealous because you’ll be wondering if your partner really finds you attractive or if they’re just dating you until they find someone better looking. Your jealousy will flare up when you see them talking or being friendly to someone who you consider to be more attractive and you’ll want your partner to stay away from them. To change this behavior, you can try to take a more positive approach to how you view yourself and do things like diet or exercise to make you feel more confident about your appearance.
2) You’re insecure about your personality
When you’re insecure about your personality you’ll see what you’re missing in other people, especially your partner. They might be more relaxed, have a better sense of humor or are more adventurous. You’ll get jealous because you see their good attributes and wish you had them as well but you don’t know if it’s possible for you to change that much. You can’t completely change your personality but you can do things like going to therapy or taking workshop to see if there’s anything you can do that would increase your self-confidence.
3) You’ve been cheated on
If your last partner was unfaithful then you’re going to have trust issues and worry about your current partner cheating on you as well. You’ll get jealous when you see them being too friendly with the opposite sex and worry that they’re flirting. You’ll want their attention to always be on you and you’ll get mad when it isn’t because you’ll see it as them betraying you. You need to talk to your partner about your fears of them being unfaithful and work on having an open and honest relationship so you can learn to trust them completely.
4) You’ve been brokenhearted
You might have had your heart broken in the past because the love of your life turned out to be a mistake you made or the love you felt turned into friendship. You’ll have unresolved issues from this if you haven’t dealt with the past and this can lead to you getting jealous whenever your partner does something without you. When they spend time with friends or have fun without you you’ll wonder why they don’t want to do those things with you and think that they’re not as in love with you as you thought they were. You need to understand that this relationship might end too and that denying your partner a social life won’t change that.
5) You’re not good at expressing your feelings
How to stop being jealous is difficult when you’re not good at expressing your feelings because it could be more than just jealousy you’re dealing without but aren’t realizing it. Other emotions could be anger or greed but you can’t separate them and you’ll struggle with controlling yourself. You’ll get upset at your partner and wish they acted different or were more like your ideal fantasy partner. Taking time by yourself to focus on your emotions can help you figure out exactly what you’re feeling and what action triggered the jealousy so you can avoid issues in the future.
6) You have a possessive personality
Having a possessive personality will give you a jealous streak because you think that you deserve the best and you should get what you want. You’re with your partner because you love them and this will make you possessive towards them because you want them to love only you.
7) You date people who are further ahead in life
Dating people who are further ahead in life, by having a better job or more education, than you can trigger jealous feelings because you feel like you’re doing something wrong and aren’t as good as them. Instead of looking at what they have and wishing it was yours, you need to figure out if it’s possible for you to get the same things as well. You can apply for a new job or promotion or take night courses to continue your education.
8) You haven’t dealt with past issues
Jealousy might be something you’ve struggled with since childhood or for most of your adult life and you’re still dealing with it now because you haven’t dealt with past issues. You need to talk to your partner and make sure they know that it has nothing to do with them and that you need their support as you try to sort out your issues. This could require talking to a therapist or taking time to think about your past to try and understand where it all started.
9) You want to protect yourself
Jealousy towards your partner can be a way of protecting yourself because it keeps your partner at an emotional distance while also giving you a sense of control because you’re more aware of what they’re doing. You’ll notice all the things your partner does and find some reason to get upset because you need the feeling that you get from it since it reinforces what you believe. You can stop this by talking to your partner and working on doing things as a couple.
10) You’re afraid of being alone
If you’re afraid of your partner leaving you and ending up alone then you’ll get jealous whenever you sense them moving away from you. To try and get them to stay you act jealous as a way of showing them how much you love them but it has the opposite effect because they see it as you smothering them. You need to start spending time by yourself so you can get used to it and you can do this by pursuing hobbies or activities without your partner. You’ll see that time apart can be a good thing and doesn’t mean they’re going to break up with you.
11) You take things too personally
Taking things too personally can cause jealousy because you’ll see things as them doing it to upset or because they don’t love you. You can’t differentiate between them doing something by accident or on purpose and get jealous that they treat other people better than you. Talking to your partner can show them things from your point of view and it can make you understand why they act the way they do. You might realize that you’re overreacting and can work on not taking things too personally.
Currently She works as dating writer for different adult blogs, and She coaches men and women on sex and relationship.